Between the dates of November 28 and December 3 2021, Twitter user @mangobaII posted a truly wild ?minecraft streamer RPF?, in the medium of screenshots posted to Twitter.
In February 2022, φ transcribed the whole thing to make a copypastable version.
In May of 2026, Alary Lonelyghosts made a Homestuck Epilogues/HSBC version of it. This is that version. All credits go to everyone else involved.
Original thread on Twitter and on Thread Reader App
Cheater, Cheater
↳ a HSBC socmed fanfic AU
Kanaya is heartbroken when her girlfriend, Rose, cheats on her. What she doesn’t expect is to start falling for the girl she got cheated on with.
rose @tentacleTherapist tweeted: I love Kanaya ❤️ at 23:16 • 28/11/2021
meenah @coastalcashmoney replied on 28 November 2021: heyy last night was awesome 😉 whos kanaya lol is that ur cat
Kanaya @grimAuxiliatrix replying to @coastalcashmoney on 28 November 2021: I’M KANAYA WHO ARE YOU??
meenah @coastalcashmoney tweeted: Ummmmm fuck am i a homewrecker now at 23:18 • 28/11/2021
kanaya @grimAuxiliatrix replied on 28 November 2021: Yes??? Fuck You
meenah @coastalcashmoney replying to @grimAuxiliatrix on 29 November 2021: well rose is definitely on some serious hard meth to cheat on someone as cute as u... I’m Meenah btw 😊
Tags: Meenkan, slight Meenrose, slight Rosemary. Mild NSFW.
i don't even ship meenkan what am i doing here
1. the TL
Kanaya @grimAuxiliatrix tweeted:
Me And My Onglydoople Skrunky From Our First Date 🥺
at 21:18 • 28/11/2021
Rose @tentacleTherapist replied on 28 november 2021: Your what?
Kanaya @grimAuxiliatrix replying to @tentacleTherapist on 28 november 2021: Jts My Nickname For You❤️
Kanaya @grimAuxiliatrix tweeted:
Coffee Date W My Soulmate @tentacleTherapist
at 20:53 • 28/11/2021
58 likes
Rose @tentacleTherapist replying to @grimAuxiliatrix on 28 November 2021: Love you baby ❤️
meenah @coastalcashmoney tweeted: this college i transferred to sucksss it’s so boring here at 20:56 • 28/11/2021
roxy @tipsyGnostalgic replying to @coastalcashmoney on 28 November 2021: maybe its bc yr always in yr room and never go out
meenah @coastalcashmoney replying to @tipsyGnostalgic on 28 November 2021: shut up and leave me alone
roxy @tipsyGnostalgic replying to @coastalcashmoney on 28 November 2021: okay girl fuck you stay upset i hope yr day gets worse actually
meenah @coastalcashmoney replying to @tipsyGnostalgic on 28 November 2021: Do u wanna go clubbing with me
roxy @tipsyGnostalgic replying to @coastalcashmoney on 28 November 2021: yeah
2.
kanaya: Hiiii Honey
kanaya: Free 2nite? My Roomies Are Out So The Apartment Is Free... 🥰
rose: Hey
rose: I’m busy tonight srry
kanaya: That’s Ok ❤️
rose: I’ll come over tomorrow k 😉
kanaya: Sounds Good!! See You Then :) I Love You
rose: ❤️
kan @privaryam tweeted: Its Embarrassing How Excited I Still Get For Date Nights Like Does The Honeymoon Phase Ever Go Away.... at 21:04 • 28/11/2021
KARKAT @carcinoGeneticist replying to @privaryam on 28 November 2021: I HOPE IT GOES AWAY QUICKLY BC I CAN HEAR YOU GIGGLING AND KICKING YOUR FEET FROM THE OTHER ROOM
kan @privaryam replying to @carcinoGeneticist on 28 November 2021: Sorry I’m In Love With My Soulmate And The Future Mother Of My Children...?
KARKAT @carcinoGeneticist replying to @privaryam on 28 November 2021: HAVENT YOU BEEN DATING FOR LIKE 3 MONTHS
3.
meenah @coastalcashmoney tweeted: This girl ive been dancing w all night wearing the purple cropped jacket is cute as fuck ngl.... Like why do i kinda want her rn at 21:07 • 28/11/2021
roxy @tipsyGnostalgic replying to @coastalcashmoney on 28 November 2021: shes totally hitting on u brother
meenah @coastalcashmoney replying to @tipsyGnostalgic on 28 November 2021: im not ur brother
roxy @tipsyGnostalgic replying to @coastalcashmoney on 28 November 2021: i hope she throws up on u
kan @privaryam tweeted: Rose Is Soooo Cute I Wonder What She's Up To Rn ^_^ at 21:20 • 28/11/2021
meenah @coastalcashmoney tweeted: I’m totally getting it on w this purple jacket girl 😎😎😎 at 21:21 • 28/11/2021
4.
callie @uranianUmbra tweeted: no fUcking way..... at 21:24 • 28/11/2021
karkat @carcinoGeneticist replying to @uranianUmbra on 28 November 2021: WHAT HAPPENED
callie @uranianUmbra tweeted: i actUally can’t fUcking believe what i jUst saw. at 21:26 • 28/11/2021
kanaya @grimAuxiliatrix replying to @uranianUmbra on 28 November 2021: OMG What’s The Drama...
callie @uranianUmbra replying to @grimAuxiliatrix on 28 November 2021: dm me ASAP
5.
kanaya: Hey Callie What’s Up Big Dog
callie: we don’t call each other that
kanaya: Sorry I Was Tryinf Something New
callie: listen kanaya
callie: idk how to say this
callie: i’m at the clUb near campUs and
callie: i’m so sorry
callie: bUt i just saw rose making out w a girl... i’m pretty sUre they jUst went into the bathroom to hook up
kanaya: What?
kanaya: What
kanaya: Wait
kanaya: You’re Lying LOL
kanaya: APRIL FOOLS!!! You Got Me Ahahah
callie: kanaya it’s november
callie: i’m so sorry
kan @privaryam tweeted: Ummmmmm at 21:31 • 28/11/2021
callie @uranianUmbra replying to @privaryam on 28 November 2021: i’m here for U :(
KARKAT @carcinoGeneticist tweeted: NOW WHY DID KANAYA JUST START CRYING AND THROWING UP at 21:32 • 28/11/2021
callie @uranianUmbra replied on 28 November 2021: OH MY GOD!!! i’m coming over rn
6.
kanaya: Maybe She Wsa Giving Her CPR Ajd Then Went To Rhe Bathroom To Help Her Catch Hre Breath
callie: kanaya...
kanaya: Im Srs Maybje Maybe Maybeeeeeee Rose Wad Saving Her Life U Dont Know Anything U Dont Know Her Like I Do
callie: kanaya i went into the bathroom rose was on her KNEES in front of this fUschia girl
kanaya: Maybe She Was Giving Her Nook CPR
karkat: CANT ARGUE WITH THIS LOGIC...
callie: YES YOu CAN!!
callie: karkat is she still crying
karkat: NO SHE STOPPED BUT SHES CHEWING ON OUR TV REMOTE AND SHOES
callie: ok i’m almost home
kanaya: I DONT BELIEVE YOU
kanaya: I CANT HEAR YOU LALALALALA
callie: kanaya :( im so sorry but im 100% sUre it was rose...
kanaya: she has a twin
karkat: NO SHE DOESNT
kanaya: Ok MAYBE She Has A Twin
callie: a twin who wore the exact same thing she wears and has the same tentacle tattoo on her arm like her???
kanaya: It Could Be Possible
karkat: THE FIRST STAGE OF GRIEF IS DENIAL
callie: im not lying to yoU i woUldnt jUst joke like this... im so sorry. im almost there and i have mcdonalds
karkat: the second stage of grief is Getting out of the bathroom so i can use it
callie: karkat leave her alone
karkat: OK BUT I’M PEEING ON THE COUCH!
7.
meenah @coastalcashmoney tweeted: just got the best head of my lif---e! at 21:41 • 28/11/2021
meenah: Do u remember the girls name from last night
meenah: it was ro something right? i’m trying to find her on twitter
roxy: i dont know stop texting me i dont even know you
roxy: FREAK
meenah: ur my roommate man
meenah: seriously help me
roxy: okay OKAY! damn
roxy: it’s @tentacleTherapist i think
8.
rose @tentacleTherapist tweeted: The compsci test was hard as hell... did anyone get question 5 right? at 21:44 • 28/11/2021
KARKAT @carcinoGeneticist replying to @tentacleTherapist on 28 November 2021: YOURE DONEEEEEE
KARKAT @carcinoGeneticist replying to @tentacleTherapist on 28 November 2021: #ROSEISOVERPARTY
rose @tentacleTherapist replying to @carcinoGeneticist on 28 November 2021: ?
kanaya: We Need to Talk
rose: What’s wrong babe?
kanaya: Callie Told Me
kanaya: You Cheated On Me???
kanaya: Last Night She Said She Saw You W Some Fuschia Girl
kanaya: PICK UP THE PHONE
rose: I’m in class I can’t right now.
rose: Callie is lying.
rose: Callie is lying.
kanaya: ?
rose: I have an identical twin I've never told you about who has the same hair as me and dresses exactly like me and she came to the city last night and went to the club and hooked up with some fuschia girl and then left the city :(
kanaya: Do You Seriously Expect Me To Believe You?
rose: Ummmmmm
kanaya: Bc I Do!!! Omfgggg Baby I Knew You Wouldnt Do That To Me :( Callie Is Insane Sorry I’ll Kick Them Out Of Our Apartment ASAP
rose: Ahaha good call!
kan @privaryam tweeted: YASSSS EVERYTHING IS FINE at 00:37 • 29/11/2021
karkat @carcinoGeneticist replied on 29 November 2021: OMG DID YOU BEAT HER WITH STICKS
kan @privaryam replying to @carcinoGeneticist on 29 November 2021: ? What. No She Didnt Cheat! I Told U Guys :) She Has An Identical Twin
karkat @carcinoGeneticist replying to @privaryam on 29 November 2021: ON MY FUCKING GOD
10.
callie: kanaya
callie: rose is lying to U!
kanaya: No She’s Not She’s My Honey Bear Stink Stink ❤️
karkat: HOW DID YOU GET INTO COLLEGE
callie: why the fuck woUld she have a twin sister that only came to the city for one night
karkat: LIKE DID YOUR ANCESTOR PAY TO GET YOU IN HERE
callie: besides why woUld she never tell yoU aboUt her before??? havent yoU literally met her parents? and her sister? bUt never her identical twin? kanaya c’mon BE SMARTER!!! shes playing yoU
karkat: DID YOU HAVE SEX WITH THE ADMISSIONS OFFICER
callie: think aboUt it kanaya. im sorry bUt she’s lying. don’t believe her :( i know what i saw. it was rose.
karkat: KANAYA SEND ME YOUR SAT SCORES
callie: karkat not now
karkat: OK BUT IM PEEING ON THE COUCH!
callie: STOP THREATENING uS WITH THAT!
kanaya: Why Would She Cheat On Me
kanaya: It Doesn’t Make Any Sense
kanaya: We Were So Good Together And I Loved Her So Much And I Baked Her Cookies Efery Time She Had A Big Exam And Never Did Anything Wrong
kanaya: I Didn’t Do Anythjng Wrong
callie: oh kanaya :(.... im so sorry. she’s an asshole, its not yoUr faUlt.
karkat: GUYS CHECK THE REPLY UNDER HER RECENT TWEET
rose @tentacleTherapist tweeted: I love Kanaya ❤️ at 01:04 • 29/11/2021
meenah @coastalcashmoney replied on 29 November 2021: Hey man ur dms are closed just wanted 2 let you know that last night was superrr fun 😉
rose @tentacleTherapist replying to @coastalcashmoney on 29 November 2021: DELETETHIS TWEET RIGHT NEOWOWWWWWW RIGHT NOW
meenah @coastalcashmoney replying to @tentacleTherapist on 29 November 2021: ?
11.
kanaya: I Cant Believe I Trusted You
kanaya: You Cheated On Me And Then Lied To Me
rose: Baby please it’s not what it looks like
kanaya: That Girl Literally Replied To Your Tweet Talking Abt Last Night And I Just Checked Her Twitter. Callie Says Shes The Girl You Were Hooking Up With
kanaya: We Are DONE
rose: Kanaya, please... I promise I’ll never do it again. Let’s not do this over text
kanaya: I Don’t Want To See Your Face Ever Again
rose: *this user has been blocked*
kanaya @grimAuxiliatrix tweeted: This Is A Call Out Post For @tentacleTherapist Shes A Cheating Scumbag. I’M GOING TO KEY YOUR CAR. And @coastalcashmoney FUCK YOU! at 01:16 • 29/11/2021 15 retweets 75 likes
rose @tentacleTherapist replied on 29 November 2021: I don’t have a car.
kanaya @grimAuxiliatrix replying to @tentacleTherapist on 29 November 2021: Your Moms Car Then !
karkat @carcinoGeneticist replied on 29 November 2021: THIS ENERGY >>> SLAY!
meenah @coastalcashmoney tweeted: oh wait... oh fuckkkk. I’m the mistress..... at 01:19 • 29/11/2021
roxy @tipsyGnostalgic replied on 29 November 2021: HOMEWRECKER!!!!!!
meenah @coastalcashmoney replying to @tipsyGnostalgic on 29 November 2021: It wasnt even my fault bro im new here i literally didnt know that girl had a girlfriend
12.
karkat @carcinoGeneticist tweeted: KANAYA HAS BEEN RECITING THE LYRICS TO ALL TOO WELL ALL DAY BUT SHES NOT SINGING IT SHES SAYING IT LIKE A SLAM POEM ITS SRSLYFREAKING ME OUT at 01:20 • 29/11/2021 25 likes
THE SIGNLESS @bigsignguy replied on 29 November 2021: sending her heartfelt wishes and prayers.
KARKAT @carcinoGeneticist replying to @bigsignguy on 29 November 2021: OK...
kanaya @grimAuxiliatrix tweeted: Everything Sucks My Life Is Over Love Is Not Real at 01:24 • 29/11/2021
THE SIGNLESS @bigsignguy replying to @grimAuxiliatrix on 29 November 2021: Just keep swimming little fish.
kanaya @grimAuxiliatrix replying to @bigsignguy on 29 November 2021: Um Ok
kanaya @grimAuxiliatrix tweeted: Everything Sucks My Life Is Over Love Is Not Real at 01:24 • 29/11/2021
karkat @carcinoGeneticist replying to @grimAuxiliatrix on 29 November 2021: I’M GONNA FIND ROSE AND KILL HER
rose @tentacleTherapist replying to @carcinoGeneticist on 29 November 2021: Just reported your account.
karkat @carcinoGeneticist replying to @tentacleTherapist on 29 November 2021: WTF!
kanaya @grimAuxiliatrix tweeted: Everything Sucks My Life Is Over Love Is Not Real at 01:24 • 29/11/2021
meenah @coastalcashmoney replied on 29 November 2021: Hey im sorry for what happened :( just wanted to let you know i had nooooo clue she had a girlfriend. If i knew i never wouldve done anything.
kanaya @grimAuxiliatrix replied on 29 November 2021: I See. Sorry For Lashing Out Earlier, I Was Upset. No Hard Feelings.
13.
dream🔒 @dreamPriv tweeted: that rose guy is insane for cheating on his boyfriend at 01:29 • 29/11/2021
corpse @tipsyGnostalgic replied on 29 November 2021: wdym
dream🔒 @dreamPriv replied on 29 November 2021: Like i just went thru his twitter and he’s beautiful bro. genuinely stunning
corpse @tipsyGnostalgic replying to @dreamPriv on 29 November 2021: chill out
corpse @tipsyGnostalgic replying to @dreamPriv on 29 November 2021: nvm just saw what he posted and wow you’re right
kanaya @grimAuxiliatrix tweeted:
how coulf someone cheat on me :(
at 01:50 • 29/11/2021
dream @coastalcashmoney replied on 29 November 2021: rose is actually insane like he has serious problems and is probably on hard crack cocaine for cheating on someone as cute as you!!! i’m Dream btw 😊
kanaya @grimAuxiliatrix replying to @coastalcashmoney on 29 November 2021: .... Awwww 🥺
14.
callie: hi kanaya are U doing better?
kanaya: No
kanaya: I Don’t Know
kanaya: I Stopped Crying An Hour Ago But I Think Its Because I Dont Have Any Tears Left To Cry
kanaya: Oh My God Rhats An Ariana Grsnde Song
kanaya: Rose Loved Ariana Grande
kanaya: IsnxnekjKoi938394&&4&4&
karkat: SHES CRYING AGAIN
karkat: KANAYA, LISTEN. YOU NEED TO GET OUT OF THIS DEPRESSIVE STATE. YOU’VE BEEN CRYING AND MISSING CLASSES AND I’M PRETTY SURE YOU ATE A BAG OF JELLY BEANS FOR DINNER.
kanaya: Dtop Yelling At Me
callie: karkats right tho, kanaya. You shoUld go take a walk to clear your head. You only dated rose for a few months. You can do better than her!
kanaya: No One Will Ever Love Me
kanaya: Everyone Always Leaves Me
kanaya: My Girlfriend From Highschool Cheated On Me Too
karkat: DAMNNN RLY... MAYBE YOURE THE PROBLEM
callie: karkat???
karkat: SORRY I DIDNT MEAN IT
kanaya: Whtvr Rose Wad My Last Hope. Im Just Gonna Be Alone Forever And Get Some Cats And Be The Cat Freak Who Lives In A House
karkat: UR ALREADY A CAT FREAK
callie: stop pUtting yoUrsself down. SerioUsly. YoU’re beautiful and smart
kanaya: rhanks
callie: get out of Ur hoUse! Lets go to the karaoke place and have some fun!!
kanaya: Ok... Sounds Good Actually :)
15.
kanaya @grimAuxiliatrix tweeted: KAraoke Night W Callie And Karkat Has Healing Properties 🌟 at 14:53 • 29/11/2021 58 likes
karkat @carcinoGeneticist123 replied on 29 November 2021: IT WAS SUPER FUN UP UNTIL THE MOMENT U STARTED CRYING WHILE SINGING HELLO BY ADELE
kanaya @grimAuxiliatrix replying to @carcinoGeneticist123 on 29 November 2021: Why Do You Have A New Account
karkat @carcinoGeneticist123 replying to @grimAuxiliatrix on 29 November 2021: MY LAST ONE GOT SUSSED CUZ ROSE REPORTED ME 😒
kanaya @grimAuxiliatrix tweeted: KAraoke Night W Callie And Karkat Has Healing Properties 🌟at 14:53 • 29/11/2021 58 likes
meenah @coastalcashmoney replied on 29 November 2021: Nice. i love karaoke 😊
roxy @tipsyGnostalgic replying to @coastalcashmoney on 29 November 2021: hey man! thanks for running over my cat and setting that orphanage on fire... SUPER uncool
kanaya @grimAuxiliatrix replying to @tipsyGnostalgic on 29 November 2021: Wtf Did She Really Do This? :(
dream @coastalcashmoney tweeted: WHY IS CORPSE SETTINF ME UPPPP at 15:01 • 29/11/2021
kanaya @grimAuxiliatrix replying to @tipsyGnostalgic on 29 November 2021: WTF did he really do this? :(
corpse @tipsyGnostalgic replying to @grimAuxiliatrix on 29 November 2021: Yes... hes on probation for 8 charges of tax fraud :(
dream @coastalcashmoney replying to @grimAuxiliatrix on 29 November 2021: Its not true lol @grimAuxiliatrix hes just goofing around!
16.
dream🔒 @dreamPriv tweeted: Is there like an ethics code for trying to get with the guy whos relationship you broke by accidentally sleeping with his (now ex) boyfriend at 15:04 • 29/11/2021
quacky @carcinoGeneticist123 replied on 29 November 2021: Hey this is karkat from your english class. Thanks for letting me into your priv, man. Glad to see some philosophical debate going on.
dream🔒 @dreamPriv replying to @carcinoGeneticist123 on 29 November 2021: What r ur thoughts
quacky @carcinoGeneticist123 replying to @dreamPriv on 29 November 2021: I think its fsucking crazy seek help
kanaya @grimAuxiliatrix tweeted:
baking again!
at 15:50 • 29/11/2021
60 likes
BadBoyHalo @bigsignguy replied on 29 November 2021: Delectable and Sweet treats to fill the tummy. That is the medicine to life
quacky @carcinoGeneticist123 replying to @bigsignguy on 29 November 2021: Seriously who are you why do you reply under every tweet
kanaya @grimAuxiliatrix tweeted:
baking again!
at 15:50 • 29/11/2021
60 likes
dream @coastalcashmoney replied on 29 November 2021: Those look great. I have to bake some for a charity bake sale! could you give me the recipe?
(idk how often i should be updating i hope the current pace is fine 🤐)
17.
kanaya: Hello :) this is kanaya from twitter
dream: hiiiiiiii
dream: i mean
dream: Hey
kanaya: here’s the recipe! [link attached]
kanaya: whats this charity event for? I would love to get involved :)
dream: oh ummm lol its not a well known one actually the charity event got cancelled and they burned all the flyers
kanaya: oh...
dream: but i help with charity a lot and also at the dog shelter :)
kanaya: awww!! Thats so sweet. Im actually allergic to dogs so i’m naturally a cat person :3
dream: fuck dogs! Lol I hate them anyway
kanaya: ?
dream: cats >>>
dream: not the movie ofc. It sucked. Total garbage recreation of the broadway classic
kanaya: oh... i liked it actually
dream: me too omfg i lovedddd it i was lying earlier
dream: btw i hope you’re doing better now? After the breakup i mean
kanaya: thanks for asking, yeahhh im a bit better now. Working through it!
dream: Good to know ☺️
18.
kanaya @grimAuxiliatrix tweeted:
feeling good after buying myself a plushie 😌
at 16:00 • 29/11/2021
dream @coastalcashmoney replied on 29 November 2021: You look good
corpse @tipsyGnostalgic replying to @coastalcashmoney on 29 November 2021: Copy and paste this part under my reply: Hey! Good job rescuing that injured kitten from drowning, and thanks for tutoring me on Comp Sci! I really appreciate the Ferrari you gifted
dream🔒 @dreamPriv tweeted: YOU WERENT MEANT TO COPY THE FIRST PART @tipsyGnostalgic at 16:02 • 29/11/2021
corpse @tipsyGnostalgic replied on 29 November 2021: Oh oops Lol 😂
dream @coastalcashmoney tweeted: one day i will have this apartment all to myself at 16:03 • 29/11/2021
corpse @tipsyGnostalgic replied on 29 November 2021: Im screenshotting this for the cops when they go through my phone after finding me dead
kanaya @grimAuxiliatrix replied on 29 November 2021: Heyy i saw your friends reply under my tweet. You tutor comp sci? Me too!! I actually have a group of freshmen asking me to tutor them but i could use some help <3
dream @coastalcashmoney replying to @grimAuxiliatrix on 29 November 2021: Oh wow yeah sure!!! I’d love to help! Dm me details i’ll be there
corpse @tipsyGnostalgic tweeted: How the fuck did that work at 16:04 • 29/11/2021
quacky @carcinoGeneticist123 replied on 29 November 2021: idk either
BadBoyHalo @bigsignguy replying to @carcinoGeneticist123 on 29 November 2021: Life has a funny way of working 😊
quacky @carcinoGeneticist123 replying to @bigsignguy on 29 November 2021: Do u even go to our college
BadBoyHalo @bigsignguy replying to @carcinoGeneticist123 on 29 November 2021: No
19.
tubbo @tubbo__ replied on 29 November 2021: right like i’m Pretty sure he just implied that kanaya is a modern reincarnation of a biblical angel
dream @coastalcashmoney replying to @tubbo__ on 29 November 2021: focus on the code + delete this + ratio
tubbo @tubbo__ replied on 29 November 2021: since when do you say Naur
dream @coastalcashmoney replied on 29 November 2021: SHUT UP + YOUR MOM
20.
gogy @privaryam tweeted: that dream guy is so kindhearted ☺️ at 21:09 • 29/11/2021
callie @uranianUmbra replied on 29 November 2021: what did he do
gogy @privaryam replying to @uranianUmbra on 29 November 2021: He just carried all my books home for me and bought me a latte and i told him i didn’t like whipped cream so he scraped all of it out with a spoon and then ate it :)
callie @uranianUmbra replying to @privaryam on 29 November 2021: ?
quacky @carcinoGeneticist123 tweeted: kanaya is the most naive person i know at 21:49 • 29/11/2021
kanaya @grimAuxiliatrix replied on 29 November 2021: No i’m not? :/
quacky @carcinoGeneticist123 replying to @grimAuxiliatrix on 29 November 2021: callie is dead
kanaya @grimAuxiliatrix replying to @carcinoGeneticist123 on 29 November 2021: WHAT??? OH MY GOD😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
callie @uranianUmbra replying to @grimAuxiliatrix on 29 November 2021: kanaya IM SITTING RIGHT BESIDE YOY
21.
kanaya @grimAuxiliatrix tweeted: People are playing pranks on me 😞 i’m still wounded from the breakup leave me alone at 21:53 • 29/11/2021
dream @coastalcashmoney replied on 29 November 2021: i hope nothing bad ever happens to you in your life again forever
kanaya @grimAuxiliatrix replying to @coastalcashmoney on 29 November 2021: Thanks 😊 btw i think the freshmen rly liked u!
dream @coastalcashmoney tweeted: Tommy needs to die at 21:57 • 29/11/2021
rose @tentacleTherapist replied on 29 November 2021: i’m reporting your account
dream @coastalcashmoney replying to @tentacleTherapist on 29 November 2021: ?
quacky @carcinoGeneticist123 replying to @tentacleTherapist on 29 November 2021: WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM
22.
karkat: kanaya
karkat: ur my best friend but Wowwwww ur dumb sometimes
karkat: that dream guy is so obviously into u
kanaya: No he’s not he’s just being nice to me because he’s sweet. he told me he works at the college iguana shelter 😊
karkat: We don’t have a college iguana shelter
karkat: Why would that be a thing
callie: kanaya you think everyone is sweet
kanaya: Well i don’t think you two are being very sweet right now 😒
callie: i just don’t know if it’s the BEST idea for u to be hanging out w the guy who rose cheated on u with
karkat: Plus i’m listening to Tommy’s space rn and these british guys are tearing dream apart 😊
kanaya: i cant be mad at DREAM for what rose did... dream didn’t even know
kanaya: plus
kanaya: idk
kanaya: he’s kind of cute 🙇🏻♂️
karkat: oh my god. i see what’s happening
23.
quacky @carcinoGeneticist123 tweeted: basketball season came early with the way kanaya is REBOUNDING.... at 22:15 • 29/11/2021
kanaya @grimAuxiliatrix replied on 29 November 2021: stop tweeting out my business
BadBoyHalo @bigsignguy replied on 29 November 2021: Love me some good puns... 😊 Very funny.
quacky @carcinoGeneticist123 replying to @bigsignguy on 29 November 2021: Is bad boy halo your government name
BadBoyHalo @bigsignguy replying to @carcinoGeneticist123 on 29 November 2021: Yes
kanaya: dream isnt a rebound. he is just nice and sweet and kind of hot and every time i hang out with i forget about roses existence
karkat: That is the literal definition of a rebound
kanaya: there is a rose shaped hole in my heart and i am just trying to be happy
kanaya: rose betrayed me. and i know that he’ll never feel sorry for the hurt
karkat: oh god hes quoting olivia rodrigo callie do something
callie: let’s relax
callie: ok kanaya why don’t u invite dream to the party we’re having tonight?
kanaya: good idea ☺️
karkat: Yo big dog
callie: why does everyone keep calling me that
karkat: idk but it fits
karkat: Why are u encouraging kanaya
karkat: you know he isn’t the type of guy to do rebounds SUCCESSFULLY... he gets attached way too fast to everyone he dates
karkat: and then he gets hurt
callie: karkat he’s finally getting out of his sad zone
callie: all he’s been doing lately is baking and listening to mitski
karkat: i get it
karkat: you just want him to be happy?
callie: yes
callie: plus who knows it might benefit kanaya to just have fun with a guy for once instead of getting serious too fast
24.
dream @coastalcashmoney tweeted: Just another day of weight lifting and boxing at 22:44 • 29/11/2021
corpse @tipsyGnostalgic replied on 29 November 2021: You’ve been sitting in your room playing minecraft all day.
kanaya @grimAuxiliatrix replied on 29 November 2021: hi dream! check ur messages
dream @coastalcashmoney replying to @grimAuxiliatrix on 29 November 2021: ofc!
kanaya: hey dream! We’re having a party at my place tonight. You’re welcome to come !!! you can bring someone if you want. The more the merrier :)
dream: • • •
dream🔒 @dreamPriv tweeted: KSLJDHFJOSBDOFUHKJSDFJKSDF A PARTY!!!!!!!!! at 22:48 • 29/11/2021
rose @tentacleTherapist replied on 29 November 2021: What’s up
dream🔒 @dreamPriv replying to @tentacleTherapist on 29 November 2021: wait what why are you in here
rose @tentacleTherapist replying to @dreamPriv on 29 November 2021: Just chilling
dream🔒 @dreamPriv replying to @tentacleTherapist on 29 November 2021: Ummm
kanaya: hey dream! We’re having a party at my place tonight. You’re welcome to come !!! you can bring someone if you want. The more the merrier :)
dream: yeah cool i’ll be there
dream: i’ll bring my roommate if that’s alright
kanaya: sure!!
25. the party
callie @uranianUmbra tweeted:
party time!
at 22:59 • 29/11/2021
quacky @carcinoGeneticist123 tweeted: THIS GUY JUST CHUGGED HALF A BOTTLE OF VODKA IN ONE GO LMAOOO at 23:00 • 29/11/2021
corpse @tipsyGnostalgic replied on 29 November 2021: that was you
quacky @carcinoGeneticist123 replying to @tipsyGnostalgic on 29 November 2021: hater
kanaya @grimAuxiliatrix tweeted:
WOOOOOOOOOO
at 23:02 • 29/11/2021
dream @coastalcashmoney tweeted:
someone’s getting crazy
at 23:04 • 29/11/2021
26.
karkat: guys this partys getting wayyyy out of hand
callie: we should kick some people out
kanaya: GUYSSSSSSS
kanaya: holy duck i totally get why napsap cheated on me dream is HOTTTTT and so ffunny
callie: WOW you’re drunk
kanaya: WOOOOOOOoh god
karkat: who did you throw up on
kanaya: No
kanaya: roses here
karkat: wtf ?? who let him in
kanaya: why djd you invite him
callie: we didn’t kanaya he must’ve found out abt it from twitter and crashed
karkat: shitttttt
callie: karkat i’m out helping these freshmen get home what’s going on
27. messages between karkat and callie
karkat: yeah it’s not good
karkat: kanaya is rly upset that roses here
karkat: i think roses apologizing??? he’s begging to be taken back ffs
callie: omfg
karkat: ITS GETTING BAD
karkat: NAURRR roseS YELLING AT THE DREAM GUY ??
callie: what why
karkat: he’s saying they never hooked up and dreams lying
karkat: omfg hes such a dumbass everyone knows he cheated whys he still trying to deny it only an idiot would buy his bullshit
karkat: kanaya IS BUYING HIS BULLSHIT
callie: 😭
karkat: FUCKKK
karkat: kanaya IS HUGGING HIM???
karkat: god the musics too loud i cant get to him
callie: STOP HIMMMMMM
28.
dream @coastalcashmoney tweeted: i’m speechless at 00:03 • 30/11/2021
BadBoyHalo @bigsignguy replied on 30 November 2021: O_o
BadBoyHalo @bigsignguy replied on 30 November 2021: are we ready to rock and roll
dream @coastalcashmoney replying to @bigsignguy on 30 November 2021: What?
karkat: HOLY FUCK
callie: WHAT
karkat: BAD BOY HALO JUST DUMPED HIS DRINK ON roseS HEAD @(&(&4&(&;&
callie: WHAAAAT???
karkat: he’s throwing his shoes at rose
karkat: ok roses gone
callie: i’m almost home just take care of kanaya don’t let him drink more ok
karkat: yeah ok
29.
rose: hey. sorry i left last night. your friends are mean
rose: especially bad boy helo he can die...
rose: but i know you still love me kanaya.
kanaya: i don’t
rose: You literally hugged me last night and begged me not to leave you
kanaya: i was drunk
rose: yeah yeah
rose: you know whats right. Take your time, i cant force you to come back to me, but i’ll be here for you when you feel better.
gogy @privaryam tweeted: Im sucjjh an idiot at 00:19 • 30/11/2021
callie @uranianUmbra replied on 30 November 2021: it’s ok kanaya you were drunk you didn’t know what you were doing
gogy @privaryam replying to @uranianUmbra on 30 November 2021: why do i always believe him :(
gogy @privaryam tweeted: how do i stop this feeling... i hate him but every time he shows up i start justifying his mistakes. at 00:20 • 30/11/2021
quacky @carcinoGeneticist123 replied on 30 November 2021: Get a lobotomy 😞
gogy @privaryam replying to @carcinoGeneticist123 on 30 November 2021: ?
gogy @privaryam replying to @carcinoGeneticist123 on 30 November 2021: btw thanks for last night :) i remember you helped me sober up i rly appreciate it.
30.
karkat: hey man it’s karkat. i wanted to thank u for last night.
dream: there’s no need for all that you’re my best friend
karkat: ? we met a week ago
karkat: anyways
karkat: i got so busy w trying to get people out of our apartment i forgot ab kanaya
karkat: thanks for helping him sober up
dream: it’s fine no worries
dream: all i did was hold the alcohol above his head he just kept jumping for it and tired himself out
karkat: well you also made him toast and helped him throw up and then tucked him into bed and left medicine by his bedside...
dream: details...
karkat: but srsly thanks
karkat: you ARE nice...
dream: can you tell kanaya thst
karkat: no
31.
gogy @privaryam tweeted: ok i did it i blocked rose everywhere WOOOO at 00:36 • 30/11/2021
callie @uranianUmbra replied on 30 November 2021: YASSSSSS
quacky @carcinoGeneticist123 replied on 30 November 2021: this slay
BadBoyHalo @bigsignguy replied on 30 November 2021: An incredible feat of courage.
gogy @privaryam replying to @bigsignguy on 30 November 2021: thank you Bad boy
rose @tentacleTherapist tweeted: 😐 at 01:06 • 30/11/2021
quacky @carcinoGeneticist123 replied on 30 November 2021: LOL
rose @tentacleTherapist replying to @carcinoGeneticist123 on 30 November 2021: Just reported you for targeted harassment
quacky @carcinoGeneticist123 replying to @tentacleTherapist on 30 November 2021: you have serious issues
32.
kanaya @grimAuxiliatrix tweeted:
Out with wilby :3
at 00:40 • 30/11/2021
1 retweet 40 likes
Wilbur @wilbursoot replied on 30 November 2021: had much fun as always xx
kanaya @grimAuxiliatrix replying to @wilbursoot on 30 November 2021: ❤️ 😊
dream🔒 @dreamPriv tweeted: Whos wolbur i’m seriously going to throw up at 00:43 • 30/11/2021
33.
dream🔒 @dreamPriv tweeted: WILBUR I FILL FIND U AND EAT U LIMB BY LIMBBBBBBB at 00:45 • 30/11/2021
Wilbur @wilbursoot replied on 30 November 2021: Chill out man i literally follow u on here
dream🔒 @dreamPriv replying to @wilbursoot on 30 November 2021: WTF
Wilbur @wilbursoot replying to @dreamPriv on 30 November 2021: i’m your neighbor. the one who stole ur amazon package last week
dream🔒 @dreamPriv replying to @wilbursoot on 30 November 2021: Ohhhhhh
dream🔒 @dreamPriv tweeted: Sorry for all that @wilbursoot at 00:48 • 30/11/2021
Wilbur @wilbursoot replied on 30 November 2021: No worries. kanaya and i are just friends from England
dream🔒 @dreamPriv replying to @wilbursoot on 30 November 2021: Thats not a real country stop making stuff up
Wilbur @wilbursoot replying to @dreamPriv on 30 November 2021: Yes it is
dream🔒 @dreamPriv replying to @wilbursoot on 30 November 2021: no its not jts like narnia Shit the fuck up
corpse @tipsyGnostalgic tweeted: Why did our neighbor just steal our doormat 😐 at 00:51 • 30/11/2021
Wilbur @wilbursoot replied on 30 November 2021: Sorry
corpse @tipsyGnostalgic replying to @wilbursoot on 30 November 2021: give it backkkkk😭
Wilbur @wilbursoot replying to @tipsyGnostalgic on 30 November 2021: No i want it btw @dreampriv i’m pretty sure kanaya likes you he was asking questions abt you
dream🔒 @dreamPriv replying to @wilbursoot on 30 November 2021: YASSSSS
34.
dream @coastalcashmoney tweeted:
suited up
at 02:49 • 30/11/2021
BadBoyHalo @bigsignguy replied on 30 November 2021: Sexy vest
dream @coastalcashmoney replying to @bigsignguy on 30 November 2021: you’re a real freak man
dream @coastalcashmoney tweeted:
suited up
at 02:49 • 30/11/2021
kanaya @grimAuxiliatrix replied on 30 November 2021: hi dreammmm
dream @coastalcashmoney replying to @grimAuxiliatrix on 30 November 2021: hiiiiiiiiiiiiii what’s up
kanaya @grimAuxiliatrix replying to @coastalcashmoney on 30 November 2021: I’m stranded at the arts building cus its raining a lot :(
corpse @tipsyGnostalgic tweeted: Now why did dream just run out in the rain at 03:01 • 30/11/2021
dream @coastalcashmoney tweeted: Holy DUCK i just ran to the arts building in the rain to help kanaya get home and FORGOT TO BRING AN UMBRELLA! at 03:02 • 30/11/2021
corpse @tipsyGnostalgic replied on 30 November 2021: idiottttt. i’m pretty sure wilbur stole our umbrella anyway
BadBoyHalo @bigsignguy replying to @tipsyGnostalgic on 30 November 2021: that was me
corpse @tipsyGnostalgic replying to @bigsignguy on 30 November 2021: What
35.
tubbo @tubbo__ tweeted: That insane Dream guy just ran to the arts building and made a makeshift umbrella using sticks and leaves to help kanaya get home.... i’ve never witnessed such inventive mastery before. Truly in awe right now. at 03:06 • 30/11/2021
corpse @tipsyGnostalgic replied on 30 November 2021: i’m listening!
quacky @carcinoGeneticist123 replied on 30 November 2021: just joined!
Wilbur @wilbursoot replied on 30 November 2021: tuned in 😊
dream @coastalcashmoney replied on 30 November 2021: how djd you know i was from florida
36.
kanaya @grimAuxiliatrix tweeted:
thank you 4 the hoodie @coastalcashmoney ☺️ ☺️ it’s so nice and comfy
at 03:11 • 30/11/2021
dream @coastalcashmoney replied on 30 November 2021: No problem you can have all my clothes
kanaya @grimAuxiliatrix replied on 30 November 2021: Awww🥺😊
kanaya @grimAuxiliatrix tweeted:
thank you 4 the hoodie @coastalcashmoney ☺️ ☺️ it’s so nice and comfy
at 03:11 • 30/11/2021
rose @xyzhdjduf replied on 30 November 2021: U seriously already moved on? Wow lol
kanaya @grimAuxiliatrix replying to @xyzhdjduf on 30 November 2021: What the hell?? Leave me alone.
rose @xyzhdjduf replying to @grimAuxiliatrix on 30 November 2021: I just want to talk once. Give me one more chance. Unblock me
dream @coastalcashmoney replying to @xyzhdjduf on 30 November 2021: Hey man leave him alone
rose @xyzhdjduf replying to @coastalcashmoney on 30 November 2021: Seriously fuck off. You dont know shit and you ruined my relationship. Stop talking to kanaya
kanaya @grimAuxiliatrix replying to @xyzhdjduf on 30 November 2021: I’m blocking you. Stop trying to contact me.
gogy @privaryam tweeted: UGHHHHH. Why does he keep coming back to me. I’m getting so frustrated. I need to get rose off my mind at 03:18 • 30/11/2021
37.
kanaya: hey i’m sorry rose said that to you... just ignore him :(
dream: yeah no worries. are you alright?
kanaya: i guess i’m just.... lonely, yk?
kanaya: all my roommates are out so im all alone in my apartment
kanaya: Just having some wine. And wearing ur hoodie.
kanaya: all on my own. Alone.
kanaya: in my apartment 7B at 2543 Cambridge Lane
dream: Ohhhhhhhhhhh
dream: i csn come over
dream: to keep u company
dream: if u want
kanaya: That sounds nice :)
Last update for the day! 💜
38.
corpse @tipsyGnostalgic tweeted: Dream just broke into song and dance :( He’s doing the pop and lock. at 03:25 • 30/11/2021
dream @coastalcashmoney replied on 30 November 2021: YOU DONT UNDERSTAND HOW HAPPY I AM RN
dream🔒 @dreamPriv tweeted: LETS GOOOOOOOOOOOO at 03:27 • 30/11/2021
corpse @tipsyGnostalgic replied on 30 November 2021: what’s up
dream🔒 @dreamPriv replying to @tipsyGnostalgic on 30 November 2021: I just got to kanayas place and the lights are dim and the weeknd is playing through his speakers. DADDYS GETTING ACTION
corpse @tipsyGnostalgic replying to @dreamPriv on 30 November 2021: don’t refer to urself as that ever again
dream🔒 @dreamPriv replying to @tipsyGnostalgic on 30 November 2021: yeah my bad
39.
dream🔒 @dreamPriv tweeted: i think i just saw god at 13:55 • 30/11/2021
corpse @tipsyGnostalgic replied on 30 November 2021: did u do shrooms without me
dream🔒 @dreamPriv replying to @tipsyGnostalgic on 30 November 2021: No dude i just had the best night of my life with kanaya like wow we just kept going and going for 6 hours straight at one point we we weren’t even on the bed i’m convinced we were floating and
gogy @privaryam tweeted: Well that was definitely one way to get my mind off rose...! 😊 at 13:57 • 30/11/2021
BadBoyHalo @bigsignguy replied on 30 November 2021: did you do shrooms without me
gogy @privaryam tweeted: No one told me a meaningless casual hookup could be so funnn at 13:58 • 30/11/2021
dream🔒 @dreamPriv tweeted: that was the most meaningful experience of my life i think i’m in love with him at 13:59 • 30/11/2021
40.
karkat: kanaya what did you do
kanaya: huh?
karkat: dream just sent me an hour long voice recording of him singing the entire Mamma Mia soundtrack :(
kanaya: awwww
kanaya: yeah ☺️ i think this rebound thing works guys
kanaya: like idgaf abt rose anymore
kanaya: i’m just having fun w dream!
callie: yass good for u kanaya. just make sure nobody gets hurt
41.
kanaya: hi dreamy
dream: dreammymykyjyt rhats a cute nicnkaem Hey hi.
kanaya: last night was rly fun
dream: yeah it was 😁
kanaya: i wouldn’t mind doing it again 🙇🏻♂️
dream: [typing indicator]
corpse @tipsyGnostalgic tweeted: dream just yelled YAHOO and then got up and did 36 push-ups in the living room 😞 now he’s eating raw butter. Living here is a nightmare at 14:13 • 30/11/2021
corpse @tipsyGnostalgic replying to @tommyinnit on 30 November 2021: Ur gonna start another space arent u
kanaya: i wouldn’t mind doing it again 🙇🏻♂️
dream: cool me neither
dream: i’d love to take you out kanaya
dream: maybe to that nice italian place near your apartment? i can pick you up at 7 :)
gogy @privaryam tweeted: oh nooooo 😦 at 14:24 • 30/11/2021
42.
kanaya: actually dream
kanaya: im like 5 mins away from ur place
dream: how did u know my address.
kanaya: Tommy doxxed u in his space today sorry
kanaya: but anyways i’m coming over
dream: ok do u wanna go get something to eat ? or maybe go watch a movie?
kanaya: no we are going to have sex
dream: Thst works yeah cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool
dream🔒 @dreamPriv tweeted: WOOOOOO idek what’s going on but i’m the happiest man alive at 14:29 • 30/11/2021
corpse @tipsyGnostalgic replied on 30 November 2021: you’re an idiot
dream🔒 @dreamPriv replying to @tipsyGnostalgic on 30 November 2021: You need to find another place to spent the next 7-8 hours because kanaya is coming over
corpse @tipsyGnostalgic replying to @dreamPriv on 30 November 2021: where the fuck am i meant to go
gogy @privaryam tweeted: phew ! at 16:38 • 30/11/2021
corpse @tipsyGnostalgic tweeted: dream just kicked me out of our apartment i’m sick to my stomach at 16:39 • 30/11/2021
Wilbur @wilbursoot replied on 30 November 2021: U can come over to my place corpse ☺️
corpse @tipsyGnostalgic replying to @wilbursoot on 30 November 2021: that’s nice of u man. thanks i’ll come over
Wilbur @wilbursoot replying to @tipsyGnostalgic on 30 November 2021: no need to thank me baby boy
corpse @tipsyGnostalgic replying to @wilbursoot on 30 November 2021: Ummmmmmm
43.
dream @coastalcashmoney tweeted: life is so beautiful. sunshine everywhere. birds are flying at 14:56 • 30/11/2021
BadBoyHalo @bigsignguy replied on 30 November 2021: So true... cherish every day
dream @coastalcashmoney replying to @bigsignguy on 30 November 2021: You know what. Im not even mad at you for this one. youre right
rose @tentacleTherapist tweeted: I see what’s happening. at 15:00 • 30/11/2021
quacky @carcinoGeneticist123 replied on 30 November 2021: Ratio
44.
rose: So. you and kanaya huh?
dream: Ummm we’re just friends
rose: I follow your private
dream: i seriously have to block u from there....
rose: this is so funny
rose: i mean it’s a new low
rose: even for kanaya
rose: He’s obviously hooking up with you to get back to me. He’s trying to prove a point by getting w the guy i cheated on him with.
dream: That’s not what this is man
dream: get over urself
rose: look i wish i could tell you to stay away from him but i dont control him. Do what you want
rose: but be careful
rose: kanaya may seem like a complete idiot who paid to get into college
dream: ?
rose: but he knows what he’s doing. he’s using you
dream: he doesnt seem like a idiot to me :// he just seems like someone who sees the best in people.
dream: stay out of his business. You cheated on him, just accept the consequences of your actions and move on.
rose: No i’m like the joker in real life i thrive off negativity
dream: why did kanaya ever date you
rose: idk
45.
kanaya @grimAuxiliatrix tweeted: that moment when you make cookies but ur roommate eats them all 😒 at 18:53 • 30/11/2021
dream @coastalcashmoney replied on 30 November 2021: if i could i would learn the depths of metaphysics and spend years creating a time machine to go back to the minute karkat was born and end his life to ensure your cookies were safe and sound then i would ❤️
kanaya @grimAuxiliatrix replying to @coastalcashmoney on 30 November 2021: Awww🥺
quacky @carcinoGeneticist123 replying to @coastalcashmoney on 30 November 2021: You are seriously insane
quacky @carcinoGeneticist123 tweeted: Dream has a squirrel in his pants w the way he’s being a SIMP rn.... at 19:03 • 30/11/2021
BadBoyHalo @bigsignguy replied on 30 November 2021: Good one. I love phineas and fern 😊
BadBoyHalo @bigsignguy replied on 30 November 2021: Phineaus and Freb
BadBoyHalo @bigsignguy replied on 30 November 2021: Wait *Pheineas and Freb
BadBoyHalo @bigsignguy replied on 30 November 2021: girl how you spell Puenius
46.
gogy @privaryam tweeted: Oh god at 19:07 • 30/11/2021
callie @uranianUmbra replied on 30 November 2021: what’s up
gogy @privaryam replying to @uranianUmbra on 30 November 2021: I’m at this club w dream and roses here.... ugh
callie @uranianUmbra replying to @privaryam on 30 November 2021: just ignore him :(
gogy @privaryam replying to @uranianUmbra on 30 November 2021: he’s goming up to me 😣
dream: somethings up
corpse: i donot care
dream: im at this club and .... Like i think kanaya is over rose but he came over to talk to kanaya and now theyre just sitting together and talking?? Now roses buying him drinks
corpse: oh yikes that sounds weird
corpse: what’s going on
dream: they’re having an argument
dream: kanaya looks like he’s abt to cry
dream: he’s walkinf over to me
corpse: WHAT HAPPENED
corpse: YOU CAN’T JUST STOP THERE
corpse: ITS BEEN 20 MINUTES TELL ME THE DRAMA
dream: is my life some kind of entertainment to you?
corpse: Yeah
dream: ok
dream: kanaya came up to me and just started kissing me and grinding against me outta nowhere.... pretty sure rose was looking. Anyways kanaya wanted me to take him home but hes drunk so i left.
corpse: Yikesssss
47.
dream: Hey kanaya
dream: Sorry i didn’t text you earlier i got busy w classes. Are you better from last night?
dream: Hope the hangover wasn’t too bad
kanaya: I’m okay
dream: Was everything ok with rose last night?
kanaya: Yea
dream: look, if youre still going thru smthg with him the i rather not get involved.
dream: look, if youre still going thru smthg with him the i rather not get involved.
kanaya: I’m not
kanaya: 
kanaya: i hurt myself this morning dreammmm :(
kanaya: come over make it better
dream: umfmgntjtu Yeah ok i’m runningj out of class rn
48.
callie: Hey kanaya what happened at the club that night?
kanaya: rose showed up at the club and i was trying to ignore him but then he started being sweet and calling me his butter cupcake snickerdoodle and i fell for it again. I’m such an idiot
kanaya: and i’m scared i’m leading Dream on :(
callie: isnt dream just a casual fling? don’t stress ab him
callie: Spring break is coming up. We’re going to miami. It’ll be fun, rose wont be there. Forget abt him. Have some fun. By the time youre back here you’ll move on completely.
kanaya: ur right callie... thanks ❤️
49.
quacky @carcinoGeneticist123 tweeted:
Wtf r they doing @coastalcashmoney @grimAuxiliatrix
at 19:41 • 30/11/2021
BadBoyHalo @bigsignguy replied on 30 November 2021: Oh to be young and in love...
BadBoyHalo @bigsignguy replied on 30 November 2021: Oh to be young and in love...
quacky @carcinoGeneticist123 replying to @bigsignguy on 30 November 2021: do i call u mr. Halo or bad boy
BadBoyHalo @bigsignguy replying to @carcinoGeneticist123 on 30 November 2021: You call me anything you want, son.
quacky @carcinoGeneticist123 replying to @bigsignguy on 30 November 2021: Whaj
50.
kanaya @grimAuxiliatrix tweeted:
Dream bought me gifts!
at 19:45 • 30/11/2021
dream @coastalcashmoney replied on 30 November 2021: No problem ❤️Hope you like it
kanaya @grimAuxiliatrix replying to @coastalcashmoney on 30 November 2021: i doooo 🥺 you’re the sweetest friend ever
dream @coastalcashmoney tweeted: .... What at 19:47 • 30/11/2021
dream🔒 @dreamPriv tweeted: FRIEND????? at 19:48 • 30/11/2021
corpse @tipsyGnostalgic replied on 30 November 2021: LMFAOOOOO i knew this would happen
51.
dream: Hey kanaya
kanaya: hi dream cream
dream: hiiskfjdfheiurbt
dream: hi
dream: Can we talk?
kanaya: Sure
dream: ...What are we?
kanaya: sentient beings... but perhaps more. Who knows
dream: sooooo true ur the smartest rperson i know
kanaya: awww ☺️
dream: but i meant@our relationship
kanaya: we’re friends arent we :)
dream: just friends?
kanaya: good friends
dream: good friends??
dream: good friends??
kanaya: Ok fine u can be my best friend but dont tell karkat :(
dream: that’s not what i mean... i don’t wanna be your best friend
kanaya: You don’t? 😭😣😭😭
dream: NOOO i mean i do 😭 but
dream: kanaya we spend most of our time together, we have great sex so often
dream: i mean INCREDIBLE sex like the best sex of my life god you’re perfect
kanaya: you’re gettinf off topic
kanaya: you’re gettinf off topic
dream: sorry ur right
dream: i’m just confused
dream: i rly like spending time with u and i feel like u do too
dream: but despite all that we’re... just friends?
52.
gogy @privaryam tweeted: Oh goodness... what do i say at 20:22 • 30/11/2021
quacky @carcinoGeneticist123 replied on 30 November 2021: Stop vague tweeting. if you aren’t going to tell me exactly what’s going on then keep it to urself. I’m nosy by nature
gogy @privaryam replying to @carcinoGeneticist123 on 30 November 2021: Dorry
quacky @carcinoGeneticist123 replied on 30 November 2021: You rn
53.
kanaya: EMERGENCY MEETING
karkat: i’m here
callie: the three of us live together why do we always text like we can sit in the living room and talk rn
karkat: plot device
callie: What
karkat: nothing
kanaya: What do i say to dream 😞 [screenshot attached]
callie: oh dear...
karkat: i knew this would happen
karkat: dream really likes you kanaya. he wants to date you properly.
karkat: it’s so obvious
kanaya: i had no idea :(
karkat: kanaya he took off his tshirt and laid it down on a puddle to help u walk over it the other day
kanaya: I jusy thought he’s nice
karkat: yeah to YOU
kanaya: idk if im ready for another relationship :( dream scares me
karkat: wdym is he mean to u i will acdually find him and kill him and then wipe the remnants of his blood on roses hands to frame him for murder
callie: can we relax
kanaya: Awww quack ☺️
kanaya: but no
kanaya: he scares me bc hes sooo good to me... like no guy has ever been that nice to me and idk.... I want to trust him but...
callie: but ur still reeling after what rose did to you?
callie: that’s understandable kanaya... you shouldnt jump into a relationship rn
callie: but i think you should let dream know and end things with him... bc you both seem to want different things rn
kanaya: but the sex is so good it makesMe feel like i’m floating thru time and space and different universes
callie: ....
karkat: I’m peeing on the couch!
callie: STOP
kanaya: u guys are right tho i’ll end things w him. thanks
54.
dream: kanaya has been typing for the past 45 MINUTES
corpse: dream ur dumb. you’re hooking up w a guy who JUST got out of a bad relationship.
corpse: YOU’RE A REBOUND
dream: oh my god you’re right
dream: he’s using me... for my big dick and my tight ass
corpse: i wouldn’t go that far
dream: my muscles and my dirty blond wavy hair...
corpse: srsly stop
dream: my glistening green eyes and 6’2 but basically 6’3 if you round up height
corpse: i’m movijng in with wilbur
dream: what do i do :; i rly like kanaya... damn
dream: i’m an idiot
corpse: TRUEEEEEE 💯 but no yeah he’s def using you for fun. This is textbook rebound shit big dog
dream: that’s callies nickname
corpse: whos callie like ksrl marx
dream: Why would callie marxs nicknamek be big dog OH GOD kanaya just texted me
55. 😞
kanaya: dream... ur a very lovely person
kanaya: and if u were a cupcake in the cupcake store then you would have a warning on you for people with diabetes because you’re SO sweet
dream: wow
kanaya: but im not ready for a relationship rn... im not ready for commitment
kanaya: i’m sorry if i led you on
dream: oh...
kanaya: please don’t be mad at me
dream: I’m not mad kanaya. I understand. Don’t worry abt it.
kanaya: callie says we should end things bc we want different things right now
dream: callie says?
dream: what do you say
kanaya: i like having fun with you... but i think he’s right
dream: me too. i think i need more than fun
kanaya: im sorry :(
dream: don’t apologise
dream: we never stated what we were
56.
gogy @privaryam tweeted: he didn’t even get mad... this is new to me at 22:12 • 30/11/2021
gogy @privaryam replied on 30 November 2021: rose alwayd got upset at me for little things. dream is so nice i feel awful
dream🔒 @dreamPriv tweeted: i feel like crying throwing up and passing out at the same time but i can’t find it in me to be angry... i hope kanaya doesn’t feel bad at 22:24 • 30/11/2021
57.
kanaya: i ended things w him but i feel so bad abt it ughhhh
kanaya: i’m going to chew on our lamp shades
karkat: Not an appropriate reaction whatsoever.
callie: dont feel bad kanaya. who cares we’re in college just have funnnn. MIAMI SOON
kanaya: YASSS
karkat: YASS
karkat: what hotel are we staying at btw
kanaya: not a hotel we’re staying at a villa my friend loaned me
corpse: i have an idea
dream: what
corpse: you me and Wilbur our neighbor should go to MIAMI FOR SPRING BREAK
dream: OMG
corpse: it’ll help u get ur mind off kanaya
dream: that sounds good actually... but why are we taking Wilbur
corpse: he said he has a villa in miami so we can stay there 😎 plus he owes us for all the stuff he stole from us and then sold on Ebay
dream: niceeee
58.
corpse @tipsyGnostalgic tweeted:
Miami w the boysss
at 22:26 • 30/11/2021
Wilbur @wilbursoot replied on 30 November 2021: Love you
corpse @tipsyGnostalgic replied on 30 November 2021: Ur villa is awesome man
Wilbur @wilbursoot replied on 30 November 2021: thanks. I love you
Wilbur @wilbursoot tweeted:
the miami threesome aka me corpse and dream 😏
at 00:44 • 01/12/2021
dream @coastalcashmoney replied on 01 December 2021: that isntk me or corpse Wilbur who are these people
corpse @tipsyGnostalgic replied on 01 December 2021: pls don’t call us that Where are you
59.
quacky @carcinoGeneticist123 tweeted:
WE’RE HEREEEE miami isnt READYYY
at 00:44 • 01/12/2021
kanaya @grimAuxiliatrix replied on 01 December 2021: why did u guys take this pocture without me :(
quacky @carcinoGeneticist123 replying to @grimAuxiliatrix on 01 December 2021: idk u went to the bathroom
kanaya @grimAuxiliatrix tweeted:
spring time in miami w the besties @uranianUmbra @carcinoGeneticist123
at 22:30 • 30/11/2021
callie @uranianUmbra replied on 30 November 2021: this villa is so cool except its a little messy ahah
quacky @carcinoGeneticist123 replied on 30 November 2021: Love this place. I wonder why there are suitcases here
60.
kanaya: where are you two
callie: we went out to buy alcohol while you were showering whats up
kanaya: someone is living in the walls
karkat: here goes kanaya
kanaya: no quackify i’m serious
kanaya: i hear someone there is a 👨man Oh didn’t mean to use that emoji i’m
kanaya: there is a man in the villa
kanaya: im shaking and hiding in the fridge rn o hyh mg do oH Y GOD OH MY
callie: calm down it’s probably nothing
kanaya: THERE IS A HUMAN MAN IN THIS HOUSE
karkat: no there isn’t
kanaya: QUACKITJUYIUIYUYTIU TIM GOGING GO TIUT
callie: ok we’re coming back just relax and maybe get out of the fridge
61.
dream: Hey where did you two go
Wilbur: we’re making out
corpse: ?
corpse: we’re out getting alcohol
corpse: why did you say rhat wilbur
Wilbur: it was just a joke.
dream: ok well i don’t want to alarm u guys
dream: but our Fridge is rattling and I’m pretty sure I hear screaming from in there like I think a mouse or possibly a human person might be trapped in there
corpse: WHAT?
corpse: HOW ARE YOUSO CALM ABOUT THIS
dream: i’ve dealt with home invasion in the past
Wilbur: sorry >_<
dream: it’s ok wilbur we know you’re working on it.
corpse: DREAM IS THERE A LIVING THING IN THE FRIDGE??
dream: Yeah
dream: u two got a lot of suitcases btw :| and one of you put ur clothes in my closet
corpse: NO WE DIDNT
Wilbur: i’ll put my clothes in your closet corpse
corpse: NOT NOW
Wilbur: sorry
dream: i’ll deal with this
Wilbur: one of the persons in this liquor shop walks talks and looks like karkat from my english class. Such a funny coincidence
62.
callie: hey kanaya all good?
karkat: This guy at the store looks like Wilbur Soot we held direct eye contact for like 15 seconds
kanaya: IMFMMM FREEEZING AND I HAVENTTT SOTPTPPED SCREAMING
kanaya: THERE IS 10000% A MAN IN THE KITCHEN RN HE’S LAUGHIGNG TO HIMSELFFF he sounds kind of familiar IMG OING TO DIEEEEEEEE
callie: ok take deep breathes we’re almost home
kanaya: oHMYOGOFODO DHES OPENING THE FRIDGE DOROR
⚠️ LOUD WARNING ⚠️
63. Dream opens the fridge door…
64.
callie: kanaya SAY SOMETHING ITS BEEN 20 MINUTES
karkat: he’s dead
callie: karkat stop
kanaya: OHHHH MY GOSH AHAHHAA
karkat: they ate him :( who is this. Put kanayas phone down
kanaya: karkat it’s me kanaya from college
kanaya: IT WAS DREAM!!! he’s here in Miami!
callie: omfg he is insane he followed u all the way to miami....
kanaya: nooo no it was a big misunderstanding. Dream is normal ❤️
kanaya: Dreams rolling in the floor with laughter :) he just hit his head on the coffee table leg
kanaya: it seems Wilbur lent this villa to him and Corpse as well
callie: thank god
callie: oh wait
callie: that’s gonna be awkward isn’t it....
dream: Hey wilbur soot
Wilbur: that’s meeeee :3
dream: You idiot you loaned the villa to Beautiful kanaya and his two roommates as well
Wilbur: oh naur i forgot i did that
dream: since when do u say naur
Wilbur: i’ve been hanging out with Tommy.
corpse: are those guys here rn?
dream: yes kanaya thought i was an invader and was hiding in the fridge
corpse: oh god this villa is NOT big enough for six people
Wilbur: we can share... ❤️ that’s what Jo said
corpse: whos Jo
Wilbur: Joseph stalin
corpse: why woueld u refer to him as that
66.
Wilbur: Hello everybody. It seems I have made an error in my judgement. I forgot I loaned the villa to you kanaya. I’m here with my two best friends Dream and Corpse.
corpse: idk if i’d call us best friends
Wilbur: Why not.
karkat: ermmm can u guys go home
Wilbur: karkat i saw a guy who looked exactly like you in the alcohol store
kanaya: is there enoufh space in the villa for all of us
Wilbur: There’s 4 rooms. 1 person could sleep on the sofa bed but 2 people will have to share a room
Wilbur: There’s 4 rooms. 1 person could sleep on the sofa bed but 2 people will have to share a room
Wilbur: Unless someone wants to sleep in the kitchen floor using the microwave as a pillow... 😉
karkat: wht would any of us want to do that
kanaya: me and dream can share a bed!
callie: ........
corpse: can you?
kanaya: well we’ve already slept together so it’ll be less awkward right :)
kanaya: well we’ve already slept together so it’ll be less awkward right :)
karkat: How did you get into college
dream: Shut up karkat
dream: kanaya is the smartest person in every room he walks into and he has the most brilliant mind.
kanaya: aww ☺️
dream: i rhink thats a great idea me and kanaya can share a room yass :)
Wilbur: dibs on the kitchen floor
karkat: WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO SLEEP ON THE KITCHEN FLOOR
67.
corpse: Dream WYD that guy just ended things w you
dream: i know but we’re in the kitchen rn and he’s eating a banana
dream: Am going crazy.
corpse: relax
corpse: dream think clearly. You REALLY like him and hes using you to get over his ex.
dream: maybe it’s this miami air but maybeee i can just have a quick miami fling with him before going back to campus ;)
corpse: that is nottt a good idea ur gonna get hurt and i'm gonna be the one who'll have to deal with your screaming and sobbing
dream: aww you DO care abt me
corpse: No i don’t im moving in with wilbur
dream: why do u WANT that he’s a freak
corpse: leave him alone 😒
dream: ?
dream: anyways
dream: look i’ll figure out the rest later. i’m a weak man and kanaya just ate his fourth banana i’m fonna pass@out
corpse: why does he keep eating bananas
68.
callie: kanaya are you in Dreams room?
kanaya: maybe
karkat: didn’t u two end things... corpse told me dream drank 8 bottles of Peptobismol. he wasn’t even sick
callie: why did he do that
karkat: To cope
kanaya: we did end things but idk... we’re in miami and he’s not wearing a tshirt and i ate a banana in front of him
karkat: ?
kanaya: it’s a whole thing
kanaya: maybe we’ll just have a quick miami fling
callie: dear god
callie: this sounds like an awful idea
kanaya: YOU’RE the one who told me to have fun in Miami callie 😒
callie: well yeah but dream seems to rly like you kanaya. are u gonna let him get hurt again?
kanaya: He’s the one who suggested the fling thing in the first place ... Besides he’s reciting Romeo and Juliet sonnets to me 😊 He said he’s never even read the play the words just come to his head when he looks in my eyes 🥺
karkat: You’re the reason Scammers have a livelihood off scamming
69. Spring Break Fun
quacky @carcinoGeneticist123 tweeted: miami is awesomeee 😎 at 04:49 • 01/12/2021
BadBoyHalo @bigsignguy replied on 01 December 2021: Sunny days at beaches with loved ones.... Nothing sounds better 😊 Can i come?
quacky @carcinoGeneticist123 replying to @bigsignguy on 01 December 2021: absolutely not
BadBoyHalo @bigsignguy replied on 01 December 2021: Do you remember coming to Miami with your mother when you were 5?
quacky @carcinoGeneticist123 replying to @bigsignguy on 01 December 2021: whatHow do you know about that
Wilbur @wilbursoot tweeted: Having a great time in Miami. Not loving the sexual energy in the villa though. at 04:52 • 01/12/2021
quacky @carcinoGeneticist123 replied on 01 December 2021: it’s bc dream and kanaya won’t stop making out on the couch 😒
BadBoyHalo @bigsignguy replied on 01 December 2021: 😊
quacky @carcinoGeneticist123 replying to @bigsignguy on 01 December 2021: what
BadBoyHalo @bigsignguy replied on 01 December 2021: karkat you are my son. I’m sorry i didn’t tell you earlier but some things
Last update for the day. I really appreciate all the support ❤️
70.
callie @uranianUmbra tweeted:
bonfires at the beach
at 15:58 • 01/12/2021
quacky @carcinoGeneticist123 tweeted:
what r dream and kanaya doing 😒
at 15:58 • 01/12/2021
BadBoyHalo @bigsignguy replied on 01 December 2021: Beautiful scenery
quacky @carcinoGeneticist123 replied on 01 December 2021: here u go
BadBoyHalo @bigsignguy replied on 01 December 2021: I’m sorry i was gone for so many years but i won’t ever leave you again
71.
kanaya: dreeeeammmmm
dream: kanayaeeeee
kanaya: where did u go ? :(
dream: i’m out gyming
kanaya: during a holiday?
dream: ummmm
dream: okay i wad lying corpse wilbur and i are getting our hair done
kanaya: u dont have to lie to me silly goose :)
dream: u make me a silly goose kanaya this is all you’re doing. i’m growing a beak and feathers
kanaya: jfbdjdnsdnsii you’re so dumb
karkat: Why’re you guys doing this in the groupchat
callie: get a roommmm
dream: stop it let me and kanaya be silly geese together
kanaya: AHAHAHHAHHAHAHAAH
kanaya: dream is so funny
kanaya: geese isnt a word :)
karkat: ?
kanaya: it’s gooses!
callie: kanaya geese is the plural of goose. Search it up on google.
kanaya: no it’s not
kanaya: wait Ohhhh like meese 😊
karkat: what
kanaya: plural of mouse
karkat: MICE IS THE PLURAL OF MOUSE
kanaya: stof yelling at me
dream: leave him alone he’s onto something
karkat: NO HES NOT
corpse: Guys it’s 3pm!!!
Wilbur: OMG
karkat: YESS ITS STARTING
dream: what’s starting
corpse: Tommy Space Time
72.
corpse: Tommy Space Time
dream: what’s Tommy space time
karkat: the daily spaces tommy makes to talk about what a pathetic freak you are etc etc
dream: ?
dream @coastalcashmoney replied on 01 December 2021: SPONSORED????
dream @coastalcashmoney replied on 01 December 2021: WHY QRE YOU VERIFIED
73.
kanaya: dream idk whats going on in tommys space just ignore it and the fact that they’re exposing your private twitter account and sharing screenshots from there :(
dream: WHAT?
kanaya: can u just come here i wanna spend time with u
dream: we’ve been spending all our time together georgie
kanaya: did u know the screws in the hottub are blue in color?
dream: no i didnt
kanaya: i know that bc i’ve been sitting in it all alone 😢 goshhh i wish someone could be here with me 🥺 too bad all my clothes are in the washing machine and im sitting here naked
Wilbur @wilbursoot tweeted:
Wtf dream just ran out of the hair salon so fast he created a man shaped hole in their wall :(
at None
callie: kanaya we’re meant to be spending spring break togetherrre wya
kanaya: i went out to have sushi with dream
kanaya: can u guys believe he’s never tried it?? He’s so silly
kanaya: LOL he just told the waiter its my birthday skdjskjdskfhjdhg we’re getting free cake
kanaya: dream is the funniest and smartest person ever and i think if he wad a youtuber he would have 27 million subscribers
callie: ? what
callie: wow omfg u totally have a crush on him
karkat: I think bad boy halo might be my biological father
callie: omg no one cares karkat
kanaya: i dont have a crush on him callie -_- i just think hes rly funny and sweet and makes my heart beat fast and i want to spend every waking moment of every day with him
karkat: Bad boy halo just sent me a picture of my birth certificate that I thought we lost in a house fire
kanaya: NOT NOW karkat
kanaya: OMFG callie ur right i think i do have a crush on dream ?? i just ran to the washroom oh my gosh my hands r shaking callie what did u doooo
callie: made u realise the truth ! u blush around him and i’ve never seen u laugh so hard with anyone icb you didn’t figure it out one the first day itself
callie: are u gonna tell him u like him kanaya
kanaya: nononooo not now what if he got over me and just wants this to be a fling?
callie: well...
karkat: My mother told me my father died 20 years ago
kanaya: ok i’m gonna hang out w dream now byeee
callie: byeee
75.
gogy @privaryam tweeted: This is so weird i can’t stop giggling and blushing around him. He just told me he’s from florida and i laughed so hard. he wasntj even trying to be funny Now i look crazy at 18:11 • 01/12/2021
dream🔒 @dreamPriv tweeted: how the hell am i meant to not get attached to kanaya.... like ik we’re not serious but we’ve been having such a good time lately 🙁 sometimes i get the feeling he likes me too... at 18:13 • 01/12/2021
tommy ☑️ @tommy replied on 01 December 2021: well he probably doesn’t No one does and no one ever will
dream🔒 @dreamPriv replying to @tommy on 01 December 2021: if we were characters on a minecraft roleplay server (that i owned) i would bar you from the city you love and then kill you and revive you again and kill you and revive you again and
tommy ☑️ @tommy replied on 01 December 2021: It wad just a joke man
76.
rose @tentacleTherapist tweeted: Mwahehehehhee at 21:34 • 01/12/2021
quacky @carcinoGeneticist123 replied on 01 December 2021: what is this
rose @tentacleTherapist replying to @carcinoGeneticist123 on 01 December 2021: evil laugh
quacky @carcinoGeneticist123 replying to @tentacleTherapist on 01 December 2021: That’s weird.... it should be more like Mwahahaha
rose @tentacleTherapist replying to @carcinoGeneticist123 on 01 December 2021: ooh ur right thanks 😊
quacky @carcinoGeneticist123 tweeted: Hold up... why is he evil laughing at 21:36 • 01/12/2021
BadBoyHalo @bigsignguy replied on 01 December 2021: Laughter is a magical thing 🌟
quacky @carcinoGeneticist123 replying to @bigsignguy on 01 December 2021: Lol ok
BadBoyHalo @bigsignguy replying to @carcinoGeneticist123 on 01 December 2021: 😊
quacky @carcinoGeneticist123 replying to @bigsignguy on 01 December 2021: Why did you never contact me or mom in all those years you spent away from
77.
corpse: wyd
dream: building a sand castle for kanaya :)
corpse: ooh rly show
dream: 
corpse: what the hell is wrong with you man
dream: he@ deserves to be King of the world
corpse: alright
corpse: anyways i know i told u that u were nothing but a hot piece of ass to him
dream: well you djdnt phrase it like that
corpse: but i think he like you
corpse: for more than just ur monster cock
dream: hey tone it down man
corpse: he gets so excited when ur around and hes so touchy with you
corpse: plus all those nicknames you gave each other??
dream: He’s my goopsie scaboinky and i’m his boinky splurge ❤️
dream: omg i think u might be right...
dream: i really like him like we havent even been having sex lately we just talk all night
corpse: good for u man
corpse: Also theres good news and bad news
corpse: good news is that i just got coupons for 4 free pedicures :)
dream: nice
corpse: bad news is that rose is in our home
dream: WHAT?
78.
karkat: kanaya kanaya kanaya
kanaya: whaaaat im at the beach w dream hes building me a life size castle for me to rest in
karkat: roses here like HES IN THE VILLAAAA
kanaya: what???
kanaya: what’s he doing here?
karkat: he says he’s here to win you back
karkat: wilbur corpse and i were playing Uno and rose just burst in through the windows, shattering the glass completely
karkat: WTF he’s trying to play uno with us :( im trying to stop him
karkat: i failed. Wilbur distributed cards to him. I”m so sorry kanaya
kanaya: whars going on
karkat: idk roses saying ur his soulmate and partner in crime and cheating on you was the biggest mistake of his life
karkat: WTF HE JUST GAVE ME A DRAW 2
karkat: he said he needs u kanaya and that hes been crying every day
karkat: JUST GAVE CORPSE A DRAW 4 LMFAOOOO it’s getting crazy
karkat: rose said no one will understand u like he does esp not dream
karkat: holy fuckkk he just changed the color to green i literally only have blue cards FML
karkat: rose bought you a promise ring and says he’ll never hurt you again
karkat: WILBUR JUST WON UNO :/
callie: FOCUS ON ONE THING
karkat: sorry ur right. Basically wilbur only had 2 cards left but they were both
callie: ON WHAT roseS SAYING NOT THE UNO GAME
karkat: SORRY
kanaya: im coming home
79.
Wilbur: hey guys NOT obsessed with the current vibe of our villa...
callie: who else is hiding in the laundry room trying to listen into rose and kanayas convo
karkat: meeee i’m in the laundry basket
corpse: i’m in the washing machine
dream: i’m in the closet
Wilbur: we accept you Dream ❤️
dream: no i’m literally in their closet
Wilbur: love is love
callie: i cant rly hear them from in here why cant they yell and shout. Dream can u hear them
dream: yes
karkat: tell us whats happening
corpse: im going to throw up who turned on the washing machine
Wilbur: It is impolite to eavesdrop.
karkat: you’re literally in here with us
Wilbur: I thought we were just hanging out
Wilbur: or having an orgy... either way I couldn’t miss it
dream: ok idk man roses saying some bullshit abt how hes sorry and cheating on kanaya was a big mistake
dream: and that he was drunk??? wow no he wasn’t lol he just had half a beer both of us were sober
dream: corpse was there he can back me up on this
corpse: TTURN THEWASHING MACHINE OFFFFF IM SPINNING
dream: rose is such a liar
dream: now kanaya is crying. Ugh my poor little jelly donut
dream: i need to go out there and save him
callie: You better stay in that damn closet Dream
Wilbur: Not a very Healthy way to speak to gay people.
dream: kanaya said rose never cared enough abt him thru their relationship and didnt seem sorry for cheating on him. Wait yk what let me just send a voice recording of all this
callie: Are we bad people for eavesdropping on our friends
Wilbur: Yes
karkat: No
corpse: LET ME OUTTTTTTI2U4923843948934
dream: [voice note attached]
80.
kanaya: it just-- h-how can you expect me to just take you back-? I don’t- stop looking at me like I’m crazy.
rose: You’re acting crazy.
kanaya: I’m not.
rose: Really? Hooking up with this Dream guy... leading him on? That’s unlike you. (Pause) I know you miss me, kanaya.
kanaya: I don’t.
rose: Fuck, kanaya, it was- it was a stupid mistake, alright? Let’s just move on. You clearly aren’t over me if you- (Laughs)- if you need to have sex with the guy I cheated on you with just to get back at me
kanaya: That’s not what this is. Maybe... maybe it was in the beginning- but I really like him now. Stop laughing, you always act like you fucking know me. You don’t.
rose: Yeah, I do.
kanaya: You don’t. Dream is actually nice to me, he actually makes an effort, he actually cares-
rose grabs kanaya and kisses him.
Voice Note ends.
81.
callie: What happened??
dream: yk what this whole thing was a bad idea. idk why i thought it would work woth kanaya
karkat: what??
dream: he’s kissing rose
dream: on purpose
callie: oh...
dream: i feel like such an idiot
Wilbur: i know this is not the time but corpse passed out in thr washing machine
dream: i need to get out of here
karkat: dream wait
karkat: wjlbur stop giving corpse cpr
Wilbur: he needs mouth to mouth
karkat: He does not need mouth to mouth
dream: whatever im leaving. I’ll see you guys at the airport tomorrow
callie: im so sorry dream :(
Wilbur: can someone call an ambluence
82.
corpse @tipsyGnostalgic tweeted: Hey guys. Thanks for starting the #CorpseGetWellSoon Space for me. Just got back from the hospital. All good at 03:28 • 02/12/2021
tommy ☑️ @tommy replied on 02 December 2021: no one started a space no one even knew you were in the hospital Frankly i’m not sure who you even are
corpse @tipsyGnostalgic replying to @tommy on 02 December 2021: i think i might have dreamt it sorry i have a concussion@
83.
callie: kanaya come out of ur room
karkat: rose took the first flight home he’s gone
kanaya: when does our flight leave
karkat: 5 hours
kanaya: i’ll be out then
callie: what happened kanaya...
kanaya: i honestly dont know. When rose kissed me i started to kiss him back because it was HIM. and he came all the way here to get me back. but i didnt feel anything... it wasn’t even close to how good dream’s made me feel these past few weeks.
kanaya: and maybe i needed rose to come here and kiss me to realise that DREAM’s the one i really want.
callie: well
karkat: ok so theres good news and bad news
karkat: good news is that corpse wilbur callie and i are out getting free pedicures
kanaya: nice
karkat: bad news is that Dream knows you kissed rose bc we all eavesdropped on u two and left the villa hours ago and hasn’t responded to our calls or texts since then
kanaya: WHAT?
84.
callie: hey guys, this trip was really fun. I’m sorry it had to end like this.
kanaya: corpse is dream there with u at the airport?
corpse: yeah but i don’t think he’s in the mood to talk. He’s drinking peptobismol
corpse: he really liked you kanaya
kanaya: i like him too
corpse: then why did u kiss rose Lol
kanaya: 😣
karkat: ok lets not do this rn. This is dream and kanayas business
callie: we’re on the next flight. I guess we’ll see each other on campus?
Wilbur: yessss. Get out of that villa in the next 2 hours btw the owners will be back soon
karkat: Owners?
Wilbur: That isn’t my villa why would i have a fancy ass 4 bedroom villa in Miami florida i’m from england
callie: oh my godjWilbur did we break into someones house andstay there for a whole 10 days??????
Wilbur: Yasssss 😊🐵monkey emoji. Delete ur msgs so the cops can’t trace us
kanaya: i’m goirng to throw up
85.
kanaya: DREAM
kanaya: i need to talk to u
kanaya: ITS NOT WHAR IT LOOKS LIKE DREAM 😣 😣 i promise.
kanaya: ur ignorinng me and that’s understandble but pls jist hear me out once :(
kanaya: have you landed?
kanaya: are u back on campus
kanaya: corpse says you dont want to see me. I understand. Pls msg me when you feel better :(
kanaya: pls say something
86.
corpse @tipsyGnostalgic tweeted: Dream hasn’t left his room for a whole week Ummmmm at 02:26 • 02/12/2021
tommy ☑️ @tommy replied on 02 December 2021: YAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
kanaya @grimAuxiliatrix replied on 02 December 2021: :( is he ok
corpse @tipsyGnostalgic replying to @grimAuxiliatrix on 02 December 2021: No and honestly i dont know what he’s doing in there because wilbur stole his mattress and bed frame so
gogy @privaryam tweeted: I mess everything up karkats right i’m the problem at 02:28 • 02/12/2021
quacky @carcinoGeneticist123 replied on 02 December 2021: awww :( #True
callie @uranianUmbra replying to @carcinoGeneticist123 on 02 December 2021: dude
quacky @carcinoGeneticist123 replying to @uranianUmbra on 02 December 2021: hed the one who said it 🙄
callie @uranianUmbra tweeted:
kanaya is sad baking again 😞 he made this weird looking thing that he says is a cake. None of us want to touch it or eat it. he’s sobbing on the floor.
at 02:33 • 02/12/2021
BadBoyHalo @bigsignguy replied on 02 December 2021: oh poor little muffin...
87.
kanaya @grimAuxiliatrix tweeted: You don’t realise how good something is until it’s gone :( at 03:19 • 02/12/2021
rose @tentacleTherapist replied on 02 December 2021: True... finally you get it. I miss you too baby girl. Come back to me.
kanaya @grimAuxiliatrix replying to @tentacleTherapist on 02 December 2021: that is IT
karkat: Holy shitttt big dog
callie: what up karkat
karkat: do u hear the argument kanaya is having with rose on the phone rn
callie: no omfg why does stuff always happen when i leave the house
callie: transcribe it to me
karkat: ok wait
karkat: i’ll send voice recording
88. The argument…
89.
quacky @carcinoGeneticist123 tweeted: like LMFAOOOOOOOOOO at 04:12 • 02/12/2021
rose @tentacleTherapist replied on 02 December 2021: What sso funny
quacky @carcinoGeneticist123 replying to @tentacleTherapist on 02 December 2021: Nothing.
rose @tentacleTherapist tweeted: Everyone hates me my life id over. at 04:13 • 02/12/2021
BadBoyHalo @bigsignguy replied on 02 December 2021: You need to move on now, young rose. You have a long way to go. Yes, you made a mistake. Acknowledging that will be the first step to moving forward. Life is an ocean of experiences and if you sit still you will drown. Keep rowing.
rose @tentacleTherapist replying to @bigsignguy on 02 December 2021: move on from this ratio
90.
corpse @tipsyGnostalgic tweeted: Dream has been in his room for 2 whole weeks this is getting crazy. I keep calling his name and he doesn’t respond. Hope he’s okay in there at 04:15 • 02/12/2021
callie @uranianUmbra replied on 02 December 2021: Corpse are u sure he’s even in there?
corpse @tipsyGnostalgic replying to @uranianUmbra on 02 December 2021: ofc he is lol
corpse @tipsyGnostalgic tweeted: Oh god at 04:16 • 02/12/2021
corpse: hey guys
corpse: dream isn’t in his room he hasn’t been there for weeks and he left a long letter saying that he Ummm ran away from college
kanaya: WHAT???
callie: oh my god corpse HOW LONG HAS HE BEEN GONE
corpse: 2 weeks i think
callie: WHY DID U NEVER CHECK HIS ROOM
corpse: Didn’t want to ruin his vibe.
callie: WJAT VIBE
kanaya: oh my god my poor tootsie pop 😭😭😭 WHERE HAS HE GONE IS HE OK
callie: calm down he probably went back home or something
karkat: No kanaya is right Dream could be dead
kanaya: 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
callie: NOT HELPING
Wilbur: What does the letter say corpse
callie: WHY ID WILBUR HERE
Wilbur: wjy cant i hang out with u guys i dont have many friends and i just want to be a part of something for once + im pretty sure the cops are after me so im gonna be locked in prison for many
91.
corpse: ok ok let me transcribe the letter
corpse: “All the pain and suffering of knowing that I am unloved by the most Beautiful and wonderful and incredible man in the world aka kanaya with his chestnut brown eyes and raven black hair and
corpse: okay the next 3 pages are just describing kanayas beauty
kanaya: 🥺 he’s my weeble wobble
karkat: Can yoy just call him Dream
corpse: ok i’m skipping to the important part
corpse: “Though, in reviewing the incidents of my administration, I am unconscious of intentional error, I am nevertheless too sensible of my defects not to think it probable that I may have committed many errors.”
kanaya: dream has such a way with words 😞
karkat: this is notDream this is an excerpt from kanaya Washington’s Farewall Address written to Alexander Hamilton before he retired from office
callie: CORPSE WHERE DID DREAM GO DID HE WRITE THWT
corpse: “I realised that I was losing myself here in this college. It made me think about my life and my place in this world. I don’t think I want to study computer science and work at a desk job. I need to do something bigger. I need to leave a mark on this world. I need to become someone who entertains and creates content that people enjoy. And I can do so by being a faceless enigma...”
kanaya: What?? faceless enigma? what’s he gonna do?
corpse: “So this is why I have to run away from college and join Disney land California to become their official Goofy mascot”
karkat: ?
kanaya: OH MY GODDDDD
92.
callie: HES RUN AWAY TO JOIN DISNEY LAND?
corpse: to be the Goofy mascot yes
Wilbur: Who is Goofy
karkat: from mickey mouse
Wilbur: Who is Mick mouse
karkat: ?
Wilbur: What is mickey mosse
karkat: Wilbur seirously i’m going to beat u to pulp
kanaya: guys this isnt where his heart lies... something is wrong
karkat: FUCKING OBVIOUSLY
callie: he has been inactive on all social medias for 2 weeks now and his phone is unreachable what do we do
kanaya: we need to save him
corpse: well we don’t know if he needs saving maybe this is something he wants to do
kanaya: Be a GOOFY mascot in disneyland??
Wilbur: Who is thhis Mr. Mouse
karkat: IMGOGIGN TO RIP OUT EVEYRE HAIR ON UR HEAD WND FLOSS MY TEETH EITH IT UNTIL UR BODY DECOMPOSES INTO SOIL
callie: karkat relax
karkat: Sorry i lashed out on you i’ve been going through a lot lately. Actually my life has kind of been turned upside down now. Turns out my father isnt dead and
kanaya: karkat seriously nobody cares
karkat: dorry
Wilbur: You rn
Wilbur: 
karkat: that isn’t even dory thatd Nemo
93. 😢
corpse: GUYS
corpse: I FOUND HIMMM
kanaya: WHAT
corpse: He just posted smth on his Tumblr
karkat: why does he have a tumblr
Wilbur: Who is “Tumbler”
kanaya: WHAT DID HE POST CORPSE SHARE IT HERE
corpse: [screenshot attached]
This is how I deserve to live the rest of my miserable life.
0 notes
94.
kanaya: oh my god he looks soSad and pathetic and miserable
corpse: you csnt even see his face
kanaya: WE NEED TO GO RESCUE HIM
kanaya: i need to fix everything
kanaya: guys yk what this means right
karkat: what
kanaya: ROADTRIP TO DISNEY CALIFORNIA TIME
callie: A ROADTRIP?
kanaya: YES. ALL OF US NEED TO GO TO DISNEY AND GET HIM BACK HERE
callie: we don’t have a car big enough for all of us
Wilbur: i stole a van we can use that :)
corpse: Okay fine but none of us know how to drive a van
karkat: Um
karkat: i might know someone who does
BadBoyHalo @bigsignguy tweeted: Oh how the tabled have turns... 😉 at 04:59 • 02/12/2021
95.
corpse: seriously Bad Boy Helo is the only person we know who can drive us there?
kanaya: It’s fine we need all the help we can get
kanaya: Guys we have to bring him back here
kanaya: he needs to know that we appreciate him and love him
kanaya: no matter what Tommy innit or his 60 thousand followers have to say
callie: 60 THOUSAND?
karkat: yes he just hit the milestone today Good for him tbh
kanaya @grimAuxiliatrix tweeted: DREAM MY SCRIMBLY BLIMP WE’RE COMING TO GET YOU😭😭😭❤️ at 05:04 • 02/12/2021
Last update for the day. Stay tuned for the #RescueDreamFromDisney Arc upcoming !! 💯
96.
quacky @carcinoGeneticist123 tweeted:
wtf is this van bro 😭 i don’t wanna ride in thisss
at 17:38 • 02/12/2021
corpse @tipsyGnostalgic replied on 02 December 2021: Right idk if i want Dream back this bad
callie @uranianUmbra replied on 02 December 2021: why is it shaking so much
kanaya @grimAuxiliatrix replied on 02 December 2021: All of you get in the van right NOWWWWWWWWWWWW
97.
Wilbur: Sorry for the ratty old van :) I could have gotten a bus too but I didn’t want to go too far.
karkat: you made us live in a strangers Air BnB for 10 days and pretend its yours but getting a BUS was too much for you?
Wilbur: Yes
BadBoyHalo: So happy to be part of such an epic adventure with all of my best friend and sons 😊 Just wanted to let you know that if you speak a single word in this van then the vibrations with aggravate the bees that live in the trunk!
karkat: whyr did u say sons plural
kanaya: Should we text the whole time then?
BadBoyHalo: Yes kanaya ☺️
callie: isn’t it interesting how we keep ending up in situations where our only option to narrate our happenings is through text or tweeting :) almost like our lives are crafted to fit some kind of medium
kanaya: what
kanaya: no shut up
kanaya: anyways
kanaya: let’s start driving the trip is 20 hours long we shouldn’t waste more time
98. Hour 1
callie: hey karkat do you think kanaya is ok?
karkat: do i “think” kanaya is “ok” ?
karkat: callie he’s been texting me the entire script of la la land line by line. He hasn’t even googled it he just has it memorized
karkat: So no i don’t think kanaya is OK.
callie: i just have to say i’ve never kanaya this upset over losing a guy before
karkat: Do you not remember how the two of us had to staple kanayas clothes onto his bed to stop him from trying to head-first dive out of the window of our apartment after rose cheated on him?
callie: i do
callie: i just think it’s sweet kanaya always seems to care way too much abt his boyfriends but right now he seems genuinely stressed out. He’s chewing on your Beanie out of stress <3
karkat: thars not my beanie
callie: What
karkat: it was just lying in the van before we came but he already startef chewing on it so i dont wanna tell him
callie: Ummmmm
callie: well anyways
callie: i hope this works out for kanaya and dream i rly do
99. Hour 2
Wilbur: Hello corpse it is Wilbur the person sitting opposite you in the van
corpse: i know i have your number saved
Wilbur: Cool ☺️ well i just think now is better time than ever to tell you that i have a crush on you and want to be together
corpse: ?Seriously
corpse: We are trapped in a Van with four other men travelling across the country to go to Disney to pick up my roommate
corpse: do u really want to have this conversation right now
Wilbur: I cannot think of a single better time
corpse: idk i don’t wanna have this conversation rn i’m not in the right headspace
Wilbur: Am i not good enough for you?
corpse: let’s do this later
Wilbur: sorry i’m not Donald
corpse: what
Wilbur: sorry i cant be Donald the duck
corpse: whqt are you talking abt i never said i wanted u to be donald duck
Wilbur: Well you don’t have to say it for me to realise it. All you’ve been doing is talk abt Disney land and Goofy and all the mickey mouse cast and I dont understand any of it. They didnt have Television back in England
callie: Why did Wilbur just start crying :(
corpse: i don’t know just ignore it nobody look him in the eyes
kanaya: Ok
corpse: Btw Dream posted something on his tumblr i think you guys should see it
100. Dream Update
this boulder sized helmet i am forced to wear is skull crushing and Made me lose balance and fall into the fountain. I can not think of a single worse thing to happen to anyone throughout humanity and imy like if meaningless
12 notes
101. Hour 5
corpse: karkat stop moving so much
karkat: I NEED TO PEEEEEEE
callie: i told u not to drink fourteen slurpees :(
kanaya: no pee breaks! Hold it in or do it in ur hand and then drink it
karkat: ?
Wilbur: Oh gor the van is shaking so much i’m going to throw up
Wilbur: Oh gor the van is shaking so much i’m going to throw up
BadBoyHalo: Guys please KYS😞
kanaya: ?????
BadBoyHalo: Keep yourself safe! 😊
callie: ohhhhh
BadBoyHalo: What did you think I meant O_o
karkat: kill yourself
BadBoyHalo: karkat how DARE you speak to your father that way
102. Hour 8
callie: This actually isn’t so bad now. The silence is comforting and the views we pass are beautiful. This whole experience actually... Idk I feel like it’s an experience to cherish. It’s like a beautiful song... We’re just driving 20 hours in an old van... through the cold wind... The interstates we passed are kinda getting paved with these memories. This is amazing...
karkat: callie literally NOBODY here knows what you’re talking about seriously just stop talking
callie: i deel like dream would get it
kanaya: no he wouldnt you dont know him like i do. He is my scribblydoinky tootsy goopsy datootsit :(
corpse: How do you keep coming up with these
Wilbur: so tell me more about this “Disney land”
karkat: its just an amusement park and resorts place how have you never heard of it
BadBoyHalo: Disneyland is the Happiest place on earth 😊
Wilbur: incredible. i adore happiness
Wilbur: i guess you could say i Love Joy
corpse: ok
callie: wait Bad boy if you’re texting then who’s driving?
BadBoyHalo: I am doing both at once 😊
kanaya: Bad boy that’s very dangerous :(
BadBoyHalo: Don’t worry about it... I have a 3rd "arm" 😉
karkat: bad boy halo WHAT are you using to text rn
BadBoyHalo: My hands to text my feet to drive and my heart to love ❤️
corpse: all of us are going to die in here
Wilbur: Wjo else thought Bad boy halo meant his penis
103. Another Dream Update
actually it’s not so bad here. ive made friends with A pig character. I didn’t even know Disney had a pig character but this guy always wears his pig mask so I am assuming he works here 😊 he knew me from tommys spaces. We hang out and get mickey mouse ice cream bars together. i think he may be tryjng to overthrow the government
25 notes
104. Hour 13
BadBoyHalo: Oh muffins I took a wrong turn :( Sorry gang. It’ll take a half hour longer
corpse: Fuckf you bad boy halo
BadBoyHalo: What?
corpse: I said fuck youuuu srsly drive properly i need to get out of this van
BadBoyHalo: Do not curse at me.
karkat: Lol why not fuck fuck fuck
kanaya: AAHAHHQ93284937459482HERJWHEJ3N4JH234H
kanaya: BAD BOY HALOWHAT IS WRONG WITH#YOU WHY DID YOU STOP THE CAR SO ABRUPTLY ALL OF US JUST HIT OUR HEADS ON THE FLOOR OF THIS VAN
BadBoyHalo: Curse at me one more time and I will drive us off this cliff effectively killing all of us
karkat: HELLO????
BadBoyHalo: I am so serious do not testMe right now I will blow this van up and cremate our bodies No one will ever find us
corpse: OK OK SORRYR OH MY GOD??? WE WONT CURSE
BadBoyHalo: Good Muffin pops😊
callie: wilbur jist passed out
105. Hour 17
kanaya: I ruined everything with Dream. He was the most perfect guy and I spoiled everything because I couldn’t get my head straight.
karkat: idk what’s going on but everyone ignore him
kanaya: Now I know what it feels to be a fallen god for I have tasted the lips of heaven and felt the absence of the divine
callie: that feels dramatic
kanaya: Dramatic?
kanaya: callie I am LITERALLY the actual modern equivalent of Princess Diana
karkat: wow No youre not
kanaya: Yes I am this whole thing is almost EXACTLY what happened to Princess Diana
kanaya: In fact some may say my situation is worse
karkat: How georye
karkat: How is your situation worse
kanaya: Me and Princess Diana are connected mentally, physically, spiritually
corpse: the guy you were in a relationship with for a month has run away to Disneyland to become goofy How is that anything like what happened to princess Diana
kanaya: You won’t get it. Nobody understands. Dream felt like he had to run away and wear a mask to become Goofy. But he’s already goofy...
kanaya: He already IS Goofy.... That is what all of this has been about. He is a goofball. Goofy goofball he is a silly clown... always cracking jokes.
BadBoyHalo: karkat PLEASE stop trying to dive onto oncoming traffic :(
karkat: sjop holding me back
Wilbur: i get it kanaya. Sometimes i feel like Corpse is part of mickey mouse universe too... he is tinky winky
corpse: ?
kanaya: tinky winky isn’t part of mickey mouse Wilbur :( what are you talking about seriously just be quiet and go to sleep forever
Wilbur: Olay
106. Dream Update
Yhey demoted me
850 notes
107.
FUCKKK I JUST got promoted and the first thing I do is slip and fall, causing me to accidentally kick some kid into the Pretzel stand :( His parents chased me for a whole hour.
900 notes
Some kid stuck cotton candy on the top of my Goofy helmet how TF am I supposed to clean this out 😒
1,250 notes
Where are all of uou people coming from why am I getting so many notes is my life amusing to you all
1,800 notes
My life seriously sucks. Idk how much longer i can keep going on like this...
6,500 notes
WTF that one wasn’t even mildly funny why did it get notes
12,500 notes
stop giving me notes Srslyit’s feeling a bit mean how do I go private on here.
25,000 notes
😭😭😭😭WHAT IS HAPPENING
60,000 notes
108.
Wilbur: I camt believe kanaya forced all of us to starve and hold our pee in for 20 hours 😞 what an insane road trip. Thank gosh we’re finally here
callie: no he didn’t we made a stop every 5 hours what are u talking abt
Wilbur: I passed out 17 hours ago due to dehydration and starvation and heart break why dod nobody wake me up and tell me
callie: heart break?
corpse: dont ask questions
Wilbur: Why do all of you hate me
karkat: ratio
Wilbur: You csnt ratio on imessage
kanaya: SHUT UP we’re almost at disney so here’s what we’ll do: all 6 of us split up and try to find Dream.
callie: ok then what’s the plan how do we convince him to come back with us? maybe he rly wants to do this and live in disney for the rest of his life
corpse: we did Not just travel 20 hours for dream to not come back with us. This jsnt a rescue mission anymore it’s a kidnapping. We will tie him to the roof of the van
kanaya: he WILL want to come back. if not then i will remain there with him and become Goofys husband
BadBoyHalo: Been there done that😊
BadBoyHalo: Been there done that😊
karkat: ?
callie: kanaya i HATE to be that person but what if he doesn’t want to be with u? you rly hurt him last time :(
kanaya: i can just stay with him and
kanaya: i can be his pet
corpse: .....
kanaya: Ahahah sorry guys. That was a little much even for me 😊 Only someone crazy would say something like that out of the blue!
callie: Okay moving on
karkat: now that we’re here i kinda just wanna go on the rides idk
BadBoyHalo: Space Mountain Yass 🌟
kanaya: Nooo nononooo all of us have to find Dream. He is suffering rn 😞 WE HAVE TO SAVE MY BING BONG!!!
kanaya: now let’s split up and GO GO GO
Wilbur: reminder THIS is what goofy looks like!
Wilbur: 
corpse: thatss angry bird
109.
kanaya: oh my god i’ve been all over disney park why can’t i find my Goofy :( i literally met the ENTIRE cast of Frozen even Olaf was there and he sang me a song. This is ridiculous
BadBoyHalo: Don’t give up little Peanut ❤️😊
kanaya: Bad boy how’s your progress been
BadBoyHalo: I’ve been sitting at thi
BadBoyHalo: at a pie shop and am eating Poes
BadBoyHalo: Pies
kanaya: ?
BadBoyHalo: Sitting at a pie shop and pie eating. for the past 2 hours
kanaya: What about the rest of you... Have you find my DreamyPop... My DreamCake... My DreamIceCreamSandwich ?
corpse: why can’t u just call him normal names like babe and honey
kanaya: Babeoigy and HoneybubblePancake 🥺
corpse: forget i even asked
karkat: not gonna lie corpse and i gave up after an hour agp and instead went on all the rides.
kanaya: Wow great so no one’s done anything??
Wilbur: Well you didn’t ask me...😏
Wilbur: Well you didn’t ask me...😏
kanaya: Have you found him?
Wilbur: Maybe. I’m at a place with a lot of mascots.
Wilbur: 
callie: oj my god wilbur where are you
Wilbur: These are not micker mouse?
corpse: NO YOU’RE AT A FURRY CONVENTION
BadBoyHalo: Now that picture takes me back to the good old days...
karkat: What?
BadBoyHalo: Nothng
kanaya: NONE OF YOU ARE OF ANY HELP
kanaya: Dream is spiralling into madness every second we let him stay here wearing that Goofy costume.
callie: OMFG OMFG I FOUND HIMMMM
110.
callie: 
kanaya: Oh...
karkat: Wow this is really sad actually
callie: He’s at a Yoga class for moms... Teaching yoga in his Goofy suit.
corpse: honestly we can turn around and leave like is dream rly that important to any of us we barely know the guy
callie: ur his roommate
kanaya: ummmm
kanaya: callie js that photo real
callie: Yeah...? Are you okay?
karkat: kanaya you can’t back out now just bc you saw himAs goofy. I can imagine this is traumatic
callie: yeah i can’t imagine it’s okay to see someone you love doing Yoga in a Goofy costume :( stray strong kanaya... remember dream is under that ginormous head
karkat: if it was me who saw the person i was in love with in a goofy costume i would scream and throw up and possibly shave my head and move to the Canada
kanaya: guys....
kanaya: i’ve nsver felt more attracted to someboey in my whole life
karkat: ........?
kanaya: i’m just freaking out because I hadn’t seen him in that goofy costume yet and now I can see him right in front of me and wow
kanaya: I want him so bad itsNot funny the goofy costume id doing something to me OH MYGODDD
callie: whatsr going on
kanaya: i NEED him he looks so sexy
karkat: IN THE GOOFY COSTUME???
kanaya: yes oh my godim about to scream and moan and throw up
callie: what id happening
karkat: This has GOT to be the exact same emotional mental and physical feeling as getting eaten alive limb by limb
callie: i jus t blacked out for a whoel minute
kanaya: I NEED HIMMMMM 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
kanaya: i’m going to go get my Dreamsicle right now
callie: i csntkt stop shaking
111.
corpse: guys wya what’s going on
callie: i’m here in the center of disney land where goofy (dream) is leading the yoga class
callie: kanaya is running to him. He just JUMPED ON HIS BACK??oh god both of them just fell
callie: they’re rolling on the ground
callie: dream did a somersault
callie: Ok they’re talking now
callie: THEY’RE YELLING? Oh god the whole yoga class is watching them... Dream hasn’t even taken his Goofy head off yet
Wilbur: guys I found Dream :)
Wilbur: 
karkat: THATS ELMO
karkat: WHO IS THAT CHILD
karkat: WHY ARE$YOU IN A HOUSE
corpse: whar is wrong with you wilbur
Wilbur: i am nor from earth
Wilbur: ť̵̲̲̚h̷̰͈͘ē̴̥̩ÿ̷̞̻͘ ̷̙͓̐͝ã̶̻ṟ̶͛̍e̸̤͔͒ ̷̻̟͑͛c̷̘̒o̵̞̓͑m̷͚̈̎i̵̻͒n̸͉̦̋̐g̶͈̊
corpse: ksrl what’s going on with dream and kanaya.
callie: basically dream has to get back to work so he left and he said he doesnt want to talk to kanaya :(
Wilbur: Who are these
Wilbur: 
karkat: WHERE ARE YOY
112.
kanaya: Why did u just leave :( text me right now i know you have ur phone i saw you use it to hit that 7 year old kid on the head
dream: Fine. I’ve been inactive everywhere I didn’t really want to talk.
kanaya: dream whats going on... why did u run away here and become goofy :(
dream: I don’t think you understand how much i liked uou kanaya. i guess when i saw u kidding rose i just freaked out and had to run away from everything.
kanaya: so this was ur solution?
dream: yes. My solution was to become Goofy in Disney land california and live in my friend Techno blades garage.
kanaya: that’s a weird name
kanaya: why do all of you have such weird names... i’m the only normal named one...
kanaya: karkat... Corpse... Dream... Bad boy halo... Techno blade... callie... Crazy wack names I feel like i am living in a Circus town
dream: why did you come here kanaya. you interrupted my yoga lesson
kanaya: this isn’t where your heart lies...
dream: yoy don’t know that
kanaya: You can’t be happy like this wearing a mask with a smile for hours at a time
dream: wow... You know rhat could be a song lyric
kanaya: What? be quiet and listen to me
kanaya: i’m sorry. I’m sorry i hurt you and i’m sorry i was too stupid to realise the person i love was in front of me the whole time...
dream: WHO IS IT?😭😭😭😭
kanaya: YOU silly
dream: oh
dream: Ohhhhhhh
113.
tommy ☑️ @tommy tweeted: Holy cow Lol this Goofy mascot at Disneyland California just did 6 backflips in a row! #LiveTweetingTommysCrazyLife at 04:53 • 03/12/2021 6.5K retweets 58K likes
corpse @tipsyGnostalgic replied on 03 December 2021: You’re in Disney too?
tommy ☑️ @tommy replying to @tipsyGnostalgic on 03 December 2021: Yes I was told by a fan that Dream is here so I’ve come to hit him, beat him, etc. Find out more here in #IAmGoingToPhysicallyFightDream Space
114. ❤️
dream: wait so you came all the way here to tell me you love me?
kanaya: Yes :( u are my scrunkly scribblydoinky bipsy tootsy badointy tiepnsy bip bop boppie goggiy dinty scruggly duggly big bampidointy dougly goopsie scaboinky pipupsy datootsit
dream: Oh my gosh.. No ones ever said thar to me before im tearing up under this goofy helmet
dream: i don’t wanna do this over text. i’m coming to u
kanaya: Can u keep the goofy helmet on
dream: what
kanaya: Csn you keep the goofy hat on
dream: ummmmm
callie @uranianUmbra tweeted:
Awww they made up ❤️
at 04:58 • 03/12/2021
rose @tentacleTherapist replied on 03 December 2021: radio
quacky @carcinoGeneticist123 replying to @tentacleTherapist on 03 December 2021: What?
rose @tentacleTherapist replied on 03 December 2021: ratio
115. Going back home.
BadBoyHalo: What a crazy and epic adventure of our little lives. So glad to be going back home. 😊 Now let’s get out of here asap.
kanaya: what’s the rush :( i kinda wanted to hang out at disney with my boyfriend
dream: you have a boyfriend?
dream: i’m going to kill muself
karkat: It’s you. you two are so fucking stupid you deserve each other
kanaya: aww 🥺
BadBoyHalo: karkat Darryl Halo did you just curse?
karkat: no i’m sorry im soorrty please dont drive us into a lamppost
callie: kanaya we can’t stay here any longer because Wilbur is legally prohibited from entering the state of California
kanaya: ohhhh
kanaya: is that why we put him in a suitcase and stuffed him in the trunk?
corpse: Yes
Wilbur: udmkfnrofiri8181728otjjf please help me8899999999
kanaya: You know we should totally have a party when we get back!!
dream: omg that’s a great idea kanaya
dream: you have nothing but great ideas
dream: you’re perfect you’re beautiful and iWill be the father of your children
kanaya: ❤️☺️
BadBoyHalo: Dream you must invite your friend Technology Blade for the party 😊
dream: it’s just techno
dream: and i don’t think he can come. he’s busy leading the Disney workers union.
BadBoyHalo: Well Technology Bladesmith is welcome to come if he wants 🌟
dream: it’s jusy techno blade man
116.
callie: what are u guys gonna do when you get back?
BadBoyHalo: Your mom😊
callie: excuse me??
BadBoyHalo: Your mother
callie: ?
corpse: Well i’ll definitely focus on classes. did we forget we’re in college 😒
kanaya: Omfg I totally forget finals are coming up 🙁
callie: HelloCan we focus onn the other thing for a second
dream: Fuckk I haven’t studied much for it at all with this whole Goofy job
karkat: maybe we can make a study group or something
Wilbur: I’m in!
callie: GIYS WHY DID BADBOYHALO SAY HE WAS GOING TO DO MY MOM
kanaya: i’m not good with study groups for some reason idk :( i think i’m more of a visual learner
corpse: ooh i totally get that kanaya. i tend to study better by just making lots of notes tbh
dream: I like the idea of a study group, it’s motivating
BadBoyHalo: callie I am in love with your mother
kanaya: well if you guys rly wanna do a study group then maybe i’ll join :) are any of you in ANTHRO 356?
karkat: me!! it’s so hard the professor sucks at teaching
BadBoyHalo: Your mother is a beautiful woman
dream: i never really liked anthropology as a subject
BadBoyHalo: Your parents are getting a divorce
karkat: well that’s cuz ur so stem student brained Dream
kanaya: truee
BadBoyHalo: callie you are my stepson
corpse: it’s the liberal arts majors who should get bullied
BadBoyHalo: Your parents haven't been happy in years. Your mother and I have a bond. We are eloping in Las Vegas.
dream: truee corpse i’m not gonna let a theatre major bully me!
BadBoyHalo: Your mother didn't know how to tell you. Also she is pregnant. You are having a sister. Also you're taking my last name and all of us are moving to Ireland
karkat: i’m NOT A THEATRE major i’m an english major plus i’m prepping for law school anyway screw u😒
kanaya: i get it karkat some liberal arts courses are tough as heck. callie can you stop crying seriously you’re ruining the vibe :/
117.
quacky @carcinoGeneticist123 tweeted: finals are over WOOOOO time to partayyyy at 15:18 • 03/12/2021
rose @tentacleTherapist tweeted: This summer I’m going to become a better human. The past few months have taught me a lot. I look forward to growing, maturing, and enjoying my life. at 15:21 • 03/12/2021
quacky @carcinoGeneticist123 replied on 03 December 2021: glad to hear it ❤️ sorry i said you should die that one time, feels a little much now that i look back on it lol
rose @tentacleTherapist replying to @carcinoGeneticist123 on 03 December 2021: 😁
quacky @carcinoGeneticist123 replying to @tentacleTherapist on 03 December 2021: What
MUTUALS PLEASE FB @quack1234 tweeted: roseA JUST FUCKING REPORTED ME AGINNNNN at 15:24 • 03/12/2021
118.
kanaya: GUYSSS PARTY TIME 🥳 callie karkat and my apartment at 9 pm BE THEREEE
dream: do u wanna do it on a yacht? i can buy one for u
kanaya: No i think our place is fine!! 😊
dream: i cant get a mansion for u
kanaya: Our apartment is fine dream
dream: should@ i buy you an islandv
kanaya: dream stop
dream: i’m buying you australia
karkat: me and my step brother will arrange food and drinks. kanaya work on the music
callie: don’t call me that karkat
karkat: Why? we r literally step brothers lol ❤️ love u bro
callie: I don’t understand how you’re taking all this so lightly. Bad by halo has 43 children all over the globe and you’re just okay with that? Who even is this guy?? Why are you so calm
kanaya: callie you ruin the mood of EVERY conversation u walk into
callie: dorry
kanaya: 
119.
kanaya: hi dreammmm
dream: hi kanaya
kanaya: are u mad at me
kanaya: ur mad@ at me whajt did i do
dream: What? nothing i’m not mad??
kanaya: u said Hi kanaya
dream: sorry i meant hiiiiii baby cupcake meow meow ping pong gum drop mango ball
kanaya: That’s better ☺️
kanaya: well i just wanted to tell u i’m so excited to sped the summer with u... every day i’m with u is the best day. also thanks for helping me w my trust issues,... honestly, all my past relationships have ended w my boyfriends leaving me. i hope this one lasts
dream: me too ❤️❤️❤️im sure ur exes couldnt have been that bad surely ahah
kanaya: my first boyfriend left me bc i didn’t bring enough candy to our kindergarten party
dream: awww
kanaya: my second boyfriend left me and moved up to 1st grade to never interact with me again
dream: :(((((
kanaya: boyfriend #3, #4, #5, and #6 all moved schools
kanaya: and that was just the third grade
dream: Wow
kanaya: my 7th boyfriend broke up with me AT the 5th grade dance
kanaya: my 8th and 9th both dumped me on the same day :( tbh my fault for dating two guys at once
dream: i didn’t realise u had so many exes
kanaya: 10th boyfriend moved to another middle school. 11th boyfriend shifted cities. 12th boyfriend moved to russia
dream: How are we not at highschool yet what
kanaya: my 17th boyfriend dumped me at my sweet sixten
dream: what?? what happened to number 13,14,15, and 16??
kanaya: dead
dream: WHAT?
kanaya: my 18th boyfriend cheated on me
kanaya: me 19th boyf transferred to another college
dream: oh my god
kanaya: my 20th boyfriend and 21st boyfriend broke up w me bc they were both twins and i just didkt realise i was dating diff ppl
120.
kanaya: my 30th boyfriend pushed me into a oil reserve on purpose
dream: how is@ this still going
kanaya: my 31st boyf... actually that didn’t end badly. it’s just awkward cus now he’s my roommates dad
dream: HUH?
kanaya: number 33 went to prison for forging government documents
dream: DID U DATE BAD BOY HALO?
kanaya: number 34 willingly dug himself into a hole and honestly still hasnt emerged
dream: csn we slow down and talk abr this
kanaya: and 35 was rose. point is, i don’t have the best history with dating. but i rly like u and i want this to work... i hope this doesnt change anything
dream: can we touch on number 31 one more time pleade
kanaya: Yes. fine. i broke callies parents marriage. i didn’t mean to. i csnt look his mother in the face
dream: oh my god
kanaya: u hate me now don’t u
dream: No kanaya i don’t. i’m glad u were open with me and i’m even more glad it wasn’t bad boy halo u dated. i love u and i always will.
kanaya: oh dream bear i knew u would understand :( ur the best
121.
corpse: Wilbur I’m ready to talk
corpse: Text me when ur free.
Wilbur: i m an alien
corpse: NO YOU’RE not
corpse: you’re just weird and from england
corpse: that doesn’t make u an alien seriously just calm down. Also return my apartment curtains
Wilbur: no i need a blanket
Wilbur: Whatever u want to say Corpse just save it.
Wilbur: I am going to be locked in prison for a long long time.
corpse: oh yikes
corpse: for how long?
Wilbur: Maybe years. maybe days. who knows. depends on how fast I can shawshank that bitch
corpse: what are you getting charged for
Wilbur: What am I not getting charged for is the question
Wilbur: Theft. Shop lifting. Trespassing. War crime. stealing a van. stealing a plane. crashing a plane. burying the evidence. Starting a cult. returning artifacts from the British museum to the original owners. Public intoxication. Public execution.
Wilbur: Getting caught by the cops and escaping. getting caught and escaping again. Repeating this 12 times. Changing my name and face. Moving to a new college. meeting friends. going to Disney. killing a man. Being the next pope. Being the current pope? Embezzlment. Tax fraud. Injury. Eating a grape in Walmart
corpse: You are crazy wolbur
Wilbur: I will escape again
corpse: Ok and i’m deleting ur contact from my phone for deniability purposes
corpse: i’ll come visit u in prison
Wilbur: Really...?😊
corpse: no
122.
Wilbur: yhank you for throwing me this going away party i really appreciate it 😊❤️
dream: That’s not what this party is for
corpse: Ok piss boy who peed in his bed
dream: ? how do u know abt that i’ve never told anyome in my life
Wilbur: Tommy
dream: what
Wilbur: Tommy’s podcast. Ur mom was there. its the episode called #DreamNeedsToBeLockedInPrisonSurroundedByLava
dream: whywh was my mother thereWhen did it become a podcsst why is thr episode name a hashtag
kanaya: Well we’ll miss u Wilbur ❤️ you were the second craziest guy in our group
Wilbur: Thanks Tubbo that means a lot
kanaya: i’m geroge
callie: how is he second? who’s number 1
kanaya: ....
dream: Do u rly have to ask
callie: i’m curious
karkat: It’s you callie jesus take a hint
callie: huh
dream: callie calm down 😭😭 sometimes ur too insane its weird
callie: What’s
kanaya: remember that time he ate an orange😭😭
callie: how is that weird
karkat: callie SERIOUSLY ur freaking us all out just chill out
callie: whad
corpse: RELAX
BadBoyHalo: I am coming to the party and bringing 8 bags of ketamine 😊
kanaya: See u all hereee i’m so excited :) Best night of our lives before a nice lovey summer which I will spend with my bingle bongle in Australia
dream: yass i bought Australia for u ❤️ what are the rest of ur plans
karkat: I’m spending the summer in Ireland wirh my new dad and his wife and her freak son
corpse: I am srarting a music career
Wilbur: I’m gonna start a revolution for a city and then blow it up Yas 🐵
callie: HOW AM I GHE CRAZY ONE
123. Party Time
callie @uranianUmbra tweeted: PARTY TIMEEEEE 🥳🥳🥳🥳 will keep u all updated if smth cool happens :) at 18:00 • 03/12/2021
callie @uranianUmbra replied on 03 December 2021: Wilbur has blacked out
kanaya @grimAuxiliatrix tweeted: it’s soooo much fun except the fact that Tommy and Dream are beating each other up in the living room! 💔 at 18:06 • 03/12/2021
tubbo @tubbo__ replied on 03 December 2021: How are neither of them winning or losing. They are equally bad.
tubbo @tubbo__ replied on 03 December 2021: Nvm tommy jist felt out of the window 😞 Naur
kanaya @grimAuxiliatrix replying to @tubbo__ on 03 December 2021: u say Naur too?
tubbo @tubbo__ replied on 03 December 2021: I don’t knaur how it started but it’s Taurmmys fault
124. Party Time: Aftermath
karkat @quack1234 tweeted: That was the best night of my life. Literally danced for 3 hours straight. at 18:12 • 03/12/2021
rose @tentacleTherapist replied on 03 December 2021: yeah man it was awesome esp when u did a backflip lmao xD
karkat @quack1234 replying to @tentacleTherapist on 03 December 2021: U were there??
rose @tentacleTherapist replying to @quack1234 on 03 December 2021: yeah i saw tommy fall out of ythe window so i decided to crash the party.
dream @coastalcashmoney tweeted: Best party everrrr I won the fight against Timmy 😼 but his fans are throwing rocks and eggs at me on the street at 18:15 • 03/12/2021
corpse @tipsyGnostalgic replied on 03 December 2021: That sucks man
dream @coastalcashmoney replied on 03 December 2021: You just looked me in the eye and threw an egg at my face it was earing hot from the pan Ithink i might need to go to the hospital.
corpse @tipsyGnostalgic replying to @coastalcashmoney on 03 December 2021: i said thet sucks i didn’t say iM not an inniter
125.
kanaya @grimAuxiliatrix tweeted: Summer starts tomorrow and i’m soo excited to spend 3 months in Australia with my blop boop bleep beep cowboy bebop bop bop to the top, but I’ll miss my friends :( at 00:27 • 04/12/2021
callie @uranianUmbra replied on 04 December 2021: you have like 3 pop culture references in here
rose @tentacleTherapist replied on 04 December 2021: is this /srs? (/neg)
kanaya @grimAuxiliatrix replying to @tentacleTherapist on 04 December 2021: Ummmm
dream @coastalcashmoney tweeted: The masculine urge to mold myself into a blimp and fly kanaya to wherever his little heart desires <3 at 00:32 • 04/12/2021
quack @qvxcity replied on 04 December 2021: this is not a masculine urge this is not any urge you are Clinically Insane
dream @coastalcashmoney replying to @qvxcity on 04 December 2021: is this another new account?
quack @qvxcity replying to @coastalcashmoney on 04 December 2021: roses obsessed w me bro idek what i got reported for this time i literally have stopped tweeting in fear of him suspending me.
rose @tentacleTherapist replied on 04 December 2021: ratio + don’t care + i’m a minor + i have an internship at twitter hq + cope
quack @qvxcity replying to @tentacleTherapist on 04 December 2021: WE’RE BOTH 20
126.
corpse @tipsyGnostalgic tweeted: Why is wilbur calling me from prison 😑 at 00:45 • 04/12/2021
dream @coastalcashmoney replied on 04 December 2021: whyre u saying this as if u haven’t been talking to him for a whole hour
corpse @tipsyGnostalgic replying to @coastalcashmoney on 04 December 2021: Why did you just punch a grandma...?
kanaya @grimAuxiliatrix replying to @coastalcashmoney on 04 December 2021: dream Wtf :( why did u do this
dream @coastalcashmoney replying to @grimAuxiliatrix on 04 December 2021: I DIDNTTTYT CORPSE IS TRYING TO RUIN MY RELATIONSHIP
corpse @tipsyGnostalgic tweeted: Why is wilbur calling me from prison 😑 at 00:45 • 04/12/2021
BadBoyHalo @bigsignguy replied on 04 December 2021: Friendships are sweet. Wherever you may be, always reach out. You never know who may need it. I was locked in a basement for a few years a few times in my life, willingly, and I know I could have used a friend like you 😊
quack @qvxcity replying to @bigsignguy on 04 December 2021: you were what
quack @qvxcity replied on 04 December 2021: how do u drop these bombs and expect us to move on. you’re my dad can you be normal for one second in your life
127. the TL during Summer
kanaya @grimAuxiliatrix tweeted:
picture my Onglydoople Skrunky took of me from our first day in kanayastralia 🥺🥺🥺 I love him so much i’m gonna go give him a kiss
at 03/12/2021
corpse @tipsyGnostalgic tweeted: why dod Dream just text me a voice message of him screaming for 48 seconds in perfect opera pitch :( at 03/12/2021
quack @qvxcity tweeted:
callie and me in Ireland Wooooo. If only kanaya could be here with us 😢
at 03/12/2021
BadBoyHalo @bigsignguy tweeted: Every day is beautiful when you have a family as big as mine 😊 I will be the next Genghis Khan. at 03/12/2021
dream @coastalcashmoney tweeted: kanaya is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. i could talk abt this for days at 03/12/2021
tommy ☑️ @tommy tweeted: Listen to today’s podcast episode titled #WeNeedToDemolishDreamsVoiceBoxSoWeNeverHaveToHearHimSpeakAgain. Special guest the president of New Zealand and sponsored by Marvel! at 03/12/2021 2.6K quote tweets 850K retweets 1.3M likes
128.
kanaya @grimAuxiliatrix tweeted: These past months of my life have been crazy. Heartbreak, Falling in love, seeing my boyfriend as a Goofy mascot, etc. Was getting cheated on was horrible? Yeah. But if I could go back in time I wouldn’t change a thing. at 02:36 • 04/12/2021
kanaya @grimAuxiliatrix replied on 04 December 2021: Through it, I got to meet the love of my life ❤️❤️😊 I just hope nothing crazy happens now! Ahah.
Wilbur @wilbursoot tweeted: Ladies, I have once again escaped from federal prison 😏 at 23:40 • 03/12/2021
dream @coastalcashmoney replied on 03 December 2021: oh dear god
karkat @quack1234 replied on 03 December 2021: here we go again
kanaya @grimAuxiliatrix replied on 03 December 2021: All of us are going to die arent we :(
corpse @tipsyGnostalgic replied on 03 December 2021: LETS GOOOOOO
The End.
I rly didn’t expect this to get so much attention, it was a silly little boredom project but I’m glad you guys found it funny. If you’ve read till the end you probably know but this AU is not meant to be serious at all (it’s meant to be Goofy😙).Thank you guys sm — Mangoball🥭⚽️